(3/3) I had a basic, fundamental misunderstanding of the Chasidic tradition of spelling out the word God. Post after post, my favorite Instagramers referred to their higher power as Gd or G-d and I liked it. I thought it might have something to do with the mysterious Instagram algorithmic or not wanting to alienate readership, but it is actually a tradition of only writing out the word God in holy scripts and then being able to physically bury it once the script is no longer of us. But I liked Gd. I had a Gd. Not a full God, no O. My higher power was real, it was burning brighter and brighter inside of me, taking away my anger, my fear, my worries. Opening my eyes to hardships as times to learn and grow. I prayed and prayed, and I used that word because it meant something to me too, just different. It is the same word, just my version. People all over the world, all through time, have had their own words and now I felt like I had mine for my very own spiritual path. It seems less harmful misspelled. It seems adaptable, manageable. For an unbeliever like me. Like, I couldn’t have God, right? That was so much. But I could have Gd and pray every day, pray for strength, pray for compassion, pray for wisdom, pray for pathways to be cleared, doors to be opened. Pray for clarity, serenity and peace. I could cherry pick from all religious texts, eastern philosophies, from Star patterns and all of that could mean something to me and me alone. After a lifetime of saying “no, it can’t be true and there is nothing to be found” I realized I had always been on a spiritual path, I was didn’t know it. Saying no had been just as big as saying yes. So yes now, yes yes yes to it all.