•NOV 22, 2007
While my family and relatives were eating Thanksgiving dinner, I was out driving to the gas station to get my Diet Sunkist soda. I hate this disease so much, but at the moment feel no strength to even challenge it and its pull on me to lose weight.
•NOV 8, 2008
I was out of control with exercise again today. I really shouldn’t forget to mention that I pace around the dorm hallways late at night when everyone is asleep. We are talking 1-hour a night of walking circles around the dorm hallways with my headphones in! Am I really that ridiculous?
I was at a healthy weight, but now what? I was no longer an anorexic. Who was I? I couldn’t just be me alone. My all-or-nothing thinking took care of that. Since I no longer looked the part for anorexia, I certainly couldn’t go back to restricting and exercising to deal with stress … so I kept binging.
•NOV 7, 2010
What is wrong with me? Why can’t I just be normal? I am either too strict or too reckless. How can it be that hard to find a happy balance? I took a little bit of castor oil, which can work as a laxative and all night I had severe cramps and diarrhea. It got to the point where I felt so dizzy and nauseous I thought I would black out or throw up! Then again, I did take it on purpose…
•NOV 8, 2011
If I don’t commit to recovery I will be doing this until I’m 40 years old. I can’t keep magically thinking I have time to change and put off living. The time is now.
•NOV 27, 2012
Why can’t I get through my head that anorexia, binge eating disorder, and bulimia are all driven by the SAME eating disorder? The same core issues! It’s still the same damn eating disorder trying to kill me. So why can’t I let it go?
•NOV 2, 2017
Life is so good right now. I feel like everything is falling into place. Maybe not THAT much has changed … but I have made small changes that were and are significant in helping me climb to the greatest of heights. I’ll admit the view is more than worth it. However, it’s the boundless trails I have navigated and the many more that I seek which matters most.
•(Longer version on website)💜