#recoveringaussies

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This body is mine.
I have fat. I have muscle. I have bone.
This body is my home.
I will not waste another second thinking about changing my body for another person.
My body has not been put on this earth to make you feel comfortable.
My body is not #goals or "omg fitspo 😍'
No.
My body is so much more than that.
.
My body has taken me all across the world to experience different cultures and food.
It lets my mind grow and explore.
My body has hiked mountains and swam in open seas.
It gives me life and lets me feel love.
.
You don't get to look at my body and tell me to change it.
You have no right.
You wouldn't judge a crab for its shell, so why do you judge mine?
I am strong.
I am fierce.
I am everything and more that my body could ever give me.
And I will never apologise for the space I take up in this world.

Just another clichΓ© snapchat filter #selfie you may say? πŸ˜ΈπŸ“·βœ¨
No matter how much we actively promote or are invested in self love and acceptance, we're always going to have times where we struggle to find it in ourselves. When we just aren't feeling it πŸ™ˆ Some days we need a helping hand to admire the way we look. And that's ok! So GO ON and chuck a filter on there πŸ™ŒπŸ» The act of taking a selfie means coming to terms with the way you look by looking directly at what the camera sees πŸ‘ For some this can often be a degrading and disappointing experience πŸ˜ŸπŸ˜”πŸ˜© So if there's a way that we can enjoy taking pictures of ourselves and feel good about the outcome, I say do it πŸ’ͺ🏻 As long as it makes you happy, do it. Who cares what anyone else thinks? The world is a tough place to live in and feel completely comfortable and satisfied in our own skin, yet there are some things we can do to help us smile and be happy about it. If for you that means wearing your favourite clothes, pulling a funny face or putting on a pair of cat ears and posing for the camera, so be it πŸ˜„πŸ‘πŸ» Enjoy and embrace yourself in any way possible, as what we gain from this is so much more than just a pretty picture. We gain momentary confidence in ourselves which can be channeled towards almost anything! Smile, say cheese and be a little silly πŸ˜βœŒπŸ»πŸ’›

Just me snacking on a hot cross bun + strawberry + unpictired rice thins + spread πŸ˜‹βœŒπŸ»πŸ₯πŸ“ I've got most of my things packed for Monday πŸ˜ͺ really not looking forward to another admission but hopefully I can get something out of it this time πŸ’ͺ🏻 I have my girlfriend staying the night tonight and in the morning we are going to soccer and then dropping in to spend the night (my last night of freedom) at my grandparents farm before I head to Perth πŸ™ I hope y'all have all had a lovely Saturday, and I cannot express my gratification enough to all of you beautiful kind sweet souls who've commented on my past few posts, it's you guys that are motivating me to never give up! I love you all endlessly, I'm only a dm away πŸ˜˜πŸ’–

I'm about to be locked in the house for 8 hours with the person who was behind three of my major traumas and I'm not allowed to leave ☺☺

WE ALL NEED TO:
relax. refresh. recharge.
πŸ’ͺ🏻
As I'm going through my last few weeks of final exams πŸ€“πŸ“š; it is quite apparent to my treatment team and everyone around me that its taking a huge toll on my mind and my body. And I have now finally realised it too. πŸ˜ͺ I am constantly studying, not nourishing my body adequately, loosing weight, so ridiculously stressed that I am unable to concentrate, not in my usual routine,
not getting enough sleep and unable to practice much self care or take much time to relax (or any at all if I'm honest).
So I decided to schedule in a whole day of doing absolute nothing or whatever I want after I finish exam week 1 βœ… out of 4 ❌
β€’
So today I allowed myself/attempted to sleep in in πŸ˜΄β˜€οΈ then late this morning, I picked up a book for the first time in years!! I tend to listen to audiobooks due to my poor ass concentration and unable to read but I set myself a goal πŸ’ͺ🏻 Unfortunately I've realised my eyesight has worsened and I am unable to read this text, even with my magnifier. 😩 This has really darkened my day and upset me, but I've tried to leave it behind, made myself a nice coffee β˜•οΈ and then filled my tummy with an abundance of nutritious food πŸ˜‹ and then laid in bed listening to the audiobook instead 😌 always try and turn a negative into a positive!
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"Your calm mind is the ultimate weapon against your challenges. So relax" Bise, Em x πŸ’–

I've had a TOUGH week but have been constantly reminded of God's faithfulness and goodness... so humbled to be able to call on Him as Father and cling to Him! #Godisgood #christian #john1v5 #recoveringaussies

Self love is hard. I thought maybe I should try and take more selfies when I feel good and even when I feel not so good. Revel in yourself. It's not easy. I hope one day we can all love ourselves unconditionally πŸ’› .
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#nourishnotpunish #realcovery #recoveringed #recoveringaussies #healthylifestyle #flexitarian #edwarrior #fitfam #eatittobeatit #vegan #eatingdisorderrecovery #healthyrecovery #balancednotclean #recovered #healthynotskinny
#eatittobeatit #prorecovery #selflove #foodie #strongnotskinny #fightingforfit #postivevibes #inspo #recoveryaccount #foodphotography #recoveryisworthit

Because it's okay to be vain when you're hair resembles a clown, you're learning to love your body, you got a new camera and you no longer hate your reflection. Gone are the days of body checking... bring on the days of being comfortable and happy in your own skin.

NAIL BITING ~ this is what a pair of anxious hands look like βœ‹πŸ»πŸ€šπŸ»
Biting my nails is my longest ongoing coping mechanism. As long as I can remember I've bitten them 😬 It's never been a thing I am consciously aware of, but I always end up finding my fingers in my mouth. I've been told off for it my whole life by my mum and grandma, who both bit theirs when they were young. The only difference is they grew out of the habit, whereas I became more obsessive. They tried everything to make me stop - manicures, bribery, foul-tasting nail polish and even wearing gloves. None of it powerful enough to stop my will to bite them πŸ‘ŽπŸ»βŒ They both eventually gave up nagging me to stop and it's only continued and got worse. I've bitten them so short that they've bled πŸ’” Ripped and pulled at the skin around them. Bitten them down to the quick. Destroyed the cuticles so that my nail regrows crippled and wonky. This has happened over and over and over and over...I wore fake nails for a while but I would chew at the acrylic instead (which is poisonous) πŸ’…πŸ» Before my hospital admission, in one of my worse mental states as of yet, I decided to rip them all off, taking away about half my nail in the process. Upon reflecting on my terrible discussing habit, I've come to realise that my nail biting is and always has been a constant form of self harm πŸ”ͺπŸ’₯ A way in which I feel satisfaction from hurting myself in order to cope with the emotional pain I am experiencing at the time. Be that at any age; 4, 11 or 19.
These are my nails today. Only two fingernails remain ✌🏻(my right thumb and middle finger), all the others bitten down to the bed but still resembling the shape of a nail. This still doesn't stop me, which frustrates me! I don't want to have this compulsion 😫 It was NOT easy to post this photo! I am so ashamed of the way my hands look and hide them in any situation where they could be seen. I have always had the dream that one day I will grow my nails out, be able to paint them and not hide them in shame for their repulsive appearance πŸ™ˆ Maybe if I can learn to overcome and manage my anxiety, I can one day have beautiful elegant hands ❀️

MOST RECENT

Eggs and soldiers for dinner.
Thanks God today is finished. In the grand scheme of things it wasn't too bad but I really struggled for some reason. I just need some time away from people to regroup and get my head in the game. Not a great time to have a concert tomorrow but it could be a good distraction. As long as I don't binge tomorrow while I wait in the line.
#eatingdisorderrecovery #edrecovery #beated #bulimiarecovery #realrecovery #prorecovery #recoveringaussies #eatittobeatit #foodisfuel #nourishnotpunish #strongnotskinny #healthynothungry #ed #ednos #ana #mia #recovery #foodjournal

Such a dapper lil man πŸ‘ŒπŸΌπŸ’• soooo... turns out that my shift today was actually 7hrs not the 5hrs I thought cause I'm a math dunce. I was meant to have a break but didn't realise it until my shift was over and I actually counted how many hours I'd done πŸ˜’ I have a bit of an issue though cause im not even slightly hungry but haven't eaten yet... unless u count milky coffee πŸ€” ugh. Imma have an ensure and then it's off to bed for me cause I'm so tired!!!
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#anorexiarecovery #eatittobeatit #edsoldier #recoveryispossible #recoveringaussies #nourishtoflourish #nourishnotpunish #anorexianervosarecovery #recoveryisworthit #realrecovery #againstana #edwontwin #strongnotskinny #edfam #edcommunity #mentalhealth #prorecovery #anorexia #edwarrior #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorderawareness #anxiety #depression #mentalhealthrecovery #underweight #cornishrex #inpatientrecovery #vegetarian

Guess who is actually going out to socialize tonight? This girl right here. I don't even remember the last time I went out to a bar or anything due to overwhelming anxiety but I decided today is the day I conquer that fear. They plan on going out for most of the night but as I don't drink and get freaked out around drunk people I'll probably head off after the first place. #eatingdisorderrecovery #recoveringaussies #anorexia #anorexiarecovery #bulimia #ednos #osfed #eatingdisorder #edwarrior #edfighter #eatittobeatit #strongnotskinny #depression #anxiety #selfharm #selfharmrecovery #bpd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #bpdrecovery #mentalillnessrecovery #mentalhealth #mentalillness

Hear what those voices say? Those stupid evil thoughts? Listen to them. Listen and DO THE OPPOSITE!! If they're telling you to restrict? EAT! They're telling you what food is 'bad'? F*CK THAT! EAT! They're telling you that you need to 'make up' for something? DO THE OPPOSITE πŸ‘ŠπŸ½ .
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#nourishnotpunish #realcovery #recoveringed #recoveringaussies #healthylifestyle #flexitarian #edwarrior #fitfam #eatittobeatit #vegan #eatingdisorderrecovery #healthyrecovery #balancednotclean #recovered #healthynotskinny
#eatittobeatit #prorecovery #selflove #foodie #strongnotskinny #fightingforfit #postivevibes #inspo #recoveryaccount #foodphotography #recoveryisworthit

I've talked myself out of working for the second night in a row. After I specifically made a roster for me to stick to. The hardest part is making that first step. Once I'm out there, working, it's ok, it's just getting my foot out of the door. I'm telling myself it's because I don't want to work at night blah blah blah but really I know I'm just avoiding it which will only make it worse in the long run. I'm thinking to myself that maybe I will work on Monday, on a quieter day where I won't be so busy, so I can ease myself back into it after some time off. Part of me is thinking maybe I should just hold off until I get back from holiday (I go to Bali for two weeks on Wednesday). But I know that is just delaying the inevitable. I hate how the mind works sometimes. It can be so hard to overcome your own thoughts. Something that is different though, is I am no longer beating myself up for not being able to go to work, as I normally would do in the past, making myself feel worse. Instead, I am trying to be kind to myself and gentle and understanding, something that for so long I couldn't do. It still doesn't come naturally but I'm getting better at it. At least rather than beat myself up for not being able to do something, instead my brain try's to problem solve ways around it. Yes I can't convince myself to go to work lately, but at least I'm not making myself feel ten times worse by being a bully to myself. At least I am able to be kind towards myself, and that's some massive progress, right? Spending my time relaxing by the pool outside enjoying the lovely Perth weather πŸ‘πŸ»

When I first started Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) the first thing I was asked was - what do you think we have control over? I thought for a second πŸ’­ before rattling off several things including our emotions and our thoughts. How wrong I was ❌ Our emotions are a normal part of the human existence and equally we have no control over our thoughts. ACT taught me that there are only two things that we can actually control - our behaviour/actions/responses and our attention/where we place our focus. I'm going to try to remember this next time I get frustrated by my emotions. When I feel anxious 😩 I'm going to remember that this is just part of the human experience 🌻

It's time to chem πŸ˜‚

Today I will be stronger
Today I will be kinder
Today I will grow 🌻

Just another clichΓ© snapchat filter #selfie you may say? πŸ˜ΈπŸ“·βœ¨
No matter how much we actively promote or are invested in self love and acceptance, we're always going to have times where we struggle to find it in ourselves. When we just aren't feeling it πŸ™ˆ Some days we need a helping hand to admire the way we look. And that's ok! So GO ON and chuck a filter on there πŸ™ŒπŸ» The act of taking a selfie means coming to terms with the way you look by looking directly at what the camera sees πŸ‘ For some this can often be a degrading and disappointing experience πŸ˜ŸπŸ˜”πŸ˜© So if there's a way that we can enjoy taking pictures of ourselves and feel good about the outcome, I say do it πŸ’ͺ🏻 As long as it makes you happy, do it. Who cares what anyone else thinks? The world is a tough place to live in and feel completely comfortable and satisfied in our own skin, yet there are some things we can do to help us smile and be happy about it. If for you that means wearing your favourite clothes, pulling a funny face or putting on a pair of cat ears and posing for the camera, so be it πŸ˜„πŸ‘πŸ» Enjoy and embrace yourself in any way possible, as what we gain from this is so much more than just a pretty picture. We gain momentary confidence in ourselves which can be channeled towards almost anything! Smile, say cheese and be a little silly πŸ˜βœŒπŸ»πŸ’›

The lighting is really bad in the lunch room so this doesn't look particularly appetising but my lunch was the last of my mushroom risotto.
I'm feeling really emotional and the binge urges are really strong. This wasn't enough but I have no more food with me and I have 3 hours until I finish work. I want to cry and smash a tub of ice-cream or a bag of cashews. I just want to get out of here. I need a hug and I need to get away from people. I can't deal with being surrounded by people any more.
It's only 3 hours. Hopefully something comes up so that the time moves. I feel like I'm about to melt down.
#eatingdisorderrecovery #edrecovery #beated #bulimiarecovery #realrecovery #prorecovery #recoveringaussies #eatittobeatit #foodisfuel #nourishnotpunish #strongnotskinny #healthynothungry #ed #ednos #ana #mia #recovery #foodjournal

I've had a TOUGH week but have been constantly reminded of God's faithfulness and goodness... so humbled to be able to call on Him as Father and cling to Him! #Godisgood #christian #john1v5 #recoveringaussies

Mm just what I was craving. I just had my iron infusion, I have go to my friend's engagement party now but I don't want too I'm too lazy for social interaction atm

"Our minds distort mirrors"
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The mind is powerful. I suppose it has to be to control our body, and keep us safe. But sometimes it gets a power hungry. (pun intended πŸ˜…) You give an inch and it takes a mile. You look in the mirror and it's distorted. You see one thing, everyone else sees another. The scales say one thing and you are convinced that they are lying. There is much confusion. How can you not see the real you? The mind distorts everything, have some food...the mind distorts it. The mind screams at you. Tells you it's bad. That you are weak. I honestly never thought I would get this bad. I never ever thought I'd cry over stir fry or soup or even a smoothie. But I have....More than once. I never thought I'd calorie count. I never thought any of this would be an issue. You can tell me that my view is distorted over and over. But I won't believe you. I'm trying to. But I can't right now. #ednos #osfed #eatingdisorder #recoveringaussies #atypicalanorexia #disorderedeating #eatingdisordertreatment #residentiallife #residentialtreatment #edwarrior #edsoldier #edfighter

Found funny looking goats 🦌

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