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I'M STILL TRYING TO BE BODY POSITIVE ON MY PERIOD. Yes, I may be rather bloated, yes I am rather emotional which is making me feel like I am huge, yes I feel like crap but do you know what? That does not mean I can't still love my body. I tried on some dresses I own to make myself feel beautiful, it helped. I spoke to my amazing boyfriend who comforted me, that helped. I told myself I look amazing- that helped a lot as it came from within. What I'm saying is that no matter what your weight, bloat or no bloat, hungry or full- we are all beautiful, each and every one of us. Size does not matter at the end of the day. Mental happiness and your wellbeing are more important. Embrace your body, love it and love yourself. Have a lovely day 🌸
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#anawho #prorecovery #positivity #eatittobeatit #recovery #anorexia #ed #anorexiarecovery #edrecovery #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorderrecovery #boobsnotbones #fuckyouana #fuckana #edfam #edfamily #edwarrior #edfighter #edsoldier #ana #beatana #nourishnotpunish #realrecovery #realcovery #healthynothungry #nourishtoflourish #weightrestoreddoesnotmeanfat #selflove

Cat themed outfit today😽
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Started crying during a session with my therapist here. Then fixed my makeup💄
But ended up crying again right after🤦🏽‍♀️
I guess I'll just give up on redoing it😅
But ofc it's ok to cry sometimes🙂Not shutting all feelings and thoughts in🤐
It's a bit relieving and I actually feel a little exhausted from it😞
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Tomorrow is my birthay🎈and my family are coming to visit🌸 hopefully I'll get to go out for a little bit with them🍂
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Also bloods💉 and weight in tomorrow😓
My bloods have been fine so far👍🏼 but the weight gain always feels hard🙄
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I've been finishing all my meals and increases👌🏼and I'll keep fighting💪🏼
I can't let the fear of change control my life🙅🏽
I can't keep on just existing💀
I've finally chosen life🌱
And I have to do what it takes🌸
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Have a nice day everyone 😘
Keep moving and don't look back🐎 You're not going that way💕

One year on exactly from being discharged from all services and I couldn’t be more happy or proud 💃🏼 So much has happened since this day last year and I’m so excited for what’s to come 😊
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#anorexia #recovery #food #fearfood #foodisfuel #balancednotclean #vsco #protein #anorexiarecovery #bulimia #bulimiarecovery #edrecovery #ed #edwarrior #edsoldier #strongnotskinny #boobsoverbones #coffee #snack #recovery #realrecovery #realcovery #healthy #gains #girlgains #protein

Alright so I know this looks like an unaesthetic mess of amoebas but I MADE PANCAKES!! With REAL syrup! And margarine! All unmeasured!! Pancakes were the first food to go when I started having issues with food. Tonight I wanted them for dinner. So I had them! My eating disorder is so distant from me these days. Times like this remind me of why I choose recovery every day. Life is not easy, but it certainly is one heck of a lot better without acting on an eating disorder. I think back to last year and shudder. Choose what makes YOU happy. I'm pretty sure it will never be an eating disorder.

Being able to come to your bestfriend when the table looks like this without freaking out is one of the best things recovery thought me🙏🏼💘

I'd like to give a shout out to SIMPLE MEALS. Honestly, there's nothing better. Sure I like to get my chef on and be fancy shmancy sometimes 🍸👩🏼‍🍳 but most of the time #chefclaire is very worn out from training and just wants some food NOW #hangry. Plus simple meals are very reliable and they don't let you down.
In summary-> easy+yummy=happy claire🍽😋
HOPE YOU ALL ARE ENJOYING YOUR WEEK💗




#realcovery #healthyisnotasize #beated #edwarriors #everyBODYisbeautiful #nourishnotpunish #loveyourself #acceptance #choosehappy #eatforabs #happyandhealthy #health #bopo #positivity #itsworthit #eatittobeatit #prorecovery #strong #fitspo #athlete #teenathlete #nutrition #foodisfuel #blogger #fighter #fitfam #healthisnotasize #easymeals

Today has been quite exhausting day. The class went well but afterwards I was so tired that I was irritated! Even tho today's lecture was about performing skills, which had pretty much nothing to do with mental disorders, that aspect is always there 🍀

I've been thinking of how to tell my story. I have few more weeks left to write it but I have to come up with a new perspective from which to perform it. Today, when I was on my walk with Doora, I think I finally found a way how to start it. These moments are hard especially because they poke the real underlying issues. Way harder than therapy sessions with my psychologist, because this is how my mind works those things which I haven't been able to process ever before.
So I found a way to start it, went to the forest nearby and just cried. Said those things at loud and cried 🍀

I think that during these past 9 months I've made far more progress than during the past 5 years. It's exhausting but it's working. Today I experienced this moment when I was just so frigging SICK AND TIRED OF THIS ILLNESS! I mean, anorexia has ruled my life so long, and today I was just so tired of it.
Just piss off and leave me alone! 🍀

I'm sick and tired but I'm also scared as fuck. Scared because now I know this has to be my final relapse. I cannot diet ever again. I cannot restrict food ever again and I will always have to be careful with exercising. I have to work harder than ever to reach and stay in remission. I don't know what that is alike, and that scares the hell out of me 🍀

But my drive for life is greater than fear. I've made this far so there's a reason why I'm still alive.
So let's see what that reason is 🍀

Back in porridge mode!!! This time a year I'm having oats for #breakfast more often than in the summer, some of you might find it strange but some of you probably agree. At least I've had looooads of'em the past weeks and I really love it! Rn I'm on my way to work, today I'll be there from 8am til 6pm, 10 hours yes. I'm pretty tired since I was at Simon's yesterday and the time just flew, we were watching tv and kind of fell asleep, and when I grabbed my phone the watch showed me 10.47pm... kind of too late since I was about to have an early morning. Well, obviously I'm alive but I could've been a bit more energized, anyway... have a nice day sweeties and take care!! ❣️ nouw.com/cjulias link in bio

Hey hey my loves, chef Jessie here checking in with you to show you this freaking INSPIRED butternut squash lasagna I made - like seriously when I mean inspired I literally mean I made it with no recipe except a little bit of guidance from Sainsbury's website (the original dish was a butternut squash meat lasagna however obvs I don't roll with that so I used the rough idea and adapted heavily 😏)
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JESSIE'S RANDOM AF RECIPES WHICH SHE NEVER EVEN WRITES DOWN CUZ SHE CBA lol:
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So I literally just sautéed some onions and garlic with some liquid aminos and tossed in a HEAP of leftover finely chopped mushrooms, and let them cook a bit then added soya mince along with passata and some lemon juice and apple cider vinegar and then added 1 can of chopped tomatoes and about 1/2 pint of veggie stock and let simmer and absorb the liquid, then I wasn't going to however I found leftover tofu in the fridge and was like 'woah I bet I could make a creamy cheese sauce with this shit' and I blended the half a block of firm tofu (you could easily use silken here, would probs be better but didn't haven't any so ha) with NOOCH, lotsa lemon, apple cider vinegar, Dijon mustard, a blob of Tesco plain soya yogurt, a bit of u/s soya milk, tamari and tumeric and then scooped half the sauce into the absorbed mince, and added lotsa black pepper and stirred that bitch then I added a heap of spinach, wilted it into the sauce and scooped half the mince onto a lasagna dish, layered with some leftover giant AF courgette from my grandad's garden, then another layer of mixture, then another quarter or so of the cheese sauce and then crescents of finely sliced butternut squash, then topped with herbs, the rest of the passata, the rest of the cheese sauce and grated Tesco smoked vegan cheddar and baked at 200 Celsius (fan) for an hour until the cheese went all crispy on the top 😭😍
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(Continued aha sorry👇🏽)

MOST RECENT

Lunching on my fave sandwich (sans seeds) and some of my fave snacks because I kept thinking it was Friday and it isn't and so I needed a pick-me-up lunch. 🙈👌
Didn't really want this after a crappy experience in study that caused an almost full blown panic attack but food is necessary no matter the situation. 🙌💪

Snacking on some chocolate while waiting for my bus 😋 This has been a good day so far.

Cat themed outfit today😽
~
Started crying during a session with my therapist here. Then fixed my makeup💄
But ended up crying again right after🤦🏽‍♀️
I guess I'll just give up on redoing it😅
But ofc it's ok to cry sometimes🙂Not shutting all feelings and thoughts in🤐
It's a bit relieving and I actually feel a little exhausted from it😞
~
Tomorrow is my birthay🎈and my family are coming to visit🌸 hopefully I'll get to go out for a little bit with them🍂
~
Also bloods💉 and weight in tomorrow😓
My bloods have been fine so far👍🏼 but the weight gain always feels hard🙄
~
I've been finishing all my meals and increases👌🏼and I'll keep fighting💪🏼
I can't let the fear of change control my life🙅🏽
I can't keep on just existing💀
I've finally chosen life🌱
And I have to do what it takes🌸
~
Have a nice day everyone 😘
Keep moving and don't look back🐎 You're not going that way💕

Vegan-friendly grilled cheese! 🧀🍞
A year older today but probably not much wiser 🙄 got a couple of new piercings (tragus & conch👂🏼), shared 2 @thenakeddeli cheesecakes with my friend and now waiting for the train to head home! This year is totally off to a smashing start 😌🎉

Today I look and feel fragile.
Tired of living under all the stress I'm imposing on myself.
Tired of living up to my own and everyone else's expectations.

Too ashamed of eating.
Too ashamed of sleeping.
Too ashamed of being in need of help.

But I'm doing the best I can in recovery right now:

👍 following my meal plan and keeping the "food and thoughts diary" (3 meals and 2 snacks a day; regular intervals)
👍 trying to practice meditations and mindfulness daily
👍 getting professional help twice a week.



This relapse is a part of my road to recovery. I will cope with it.

Good morning ing!! Can you guys believe it's the first day of fall 🍁 tomorrow?!? Cuz I can't!! For #breakfast I had Fig Compote #oatmeal with figs and Caramel Almond Butter on top 😍😍😋! I made it extra @quaker oats than usual so I'm pretty full but it was so delicious that every bite was worth it!!
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Today was weight day and I lost... maybe because I've been more active so I guess that kind of reinforces my mind that YES, I do need to increase my calories so I'll be doing that today which is freaking scary but also very much necessary! Expect for that I have no plans today. I do need to call my doctor about some issues I've been having.
Here in Kentucky we have the horse park so today I might go bike around the horse park and enjoy the beautiful scenery of KY! I think my mom isn't liking it that I'm biking often... but I really am doing it out of enjoyment not to "burn off" calories... I love to feel the wind on my face, it's so freeing! So hopefully she does t say anything about it.
Also guys! Is anyone going to the Cincinatti NEDA walk? Cuz I'll be going 😊😊
Anyways! Have an awesome Thursday 💕

White 🍥 Chocolate 🍫 Mocha ☕
Let's enjoy! 😍
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Po pravdě, po otevření této tyčinky mě praštila do nosu taková hodně umělá vůně...😝 To se mi u @grenadeofficial stalo poprvé...🤔 Ale kupodivu tyčinka nakonec byla dobrá 😊 karamelovo-kávová náplň v mléčné čokoládě rozhodně zaujme všechny milovníky kávičky 🤗☕ a věřím, že nejen ty...😄 Na můj 🔝list asi nepatří, ale chutnala mi, to zas Joo 😍 8/10
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#dnesjem #dnessnidam #food #healthy #yummy #fitness #protein #fit #follow #followme #czechgirl #czech #eatclean #eattogrow #healthyeating #realcovery #edrecovery #ed #recovery #dessert #fitfam #aktin #proteinbar #vegan #cheat #sweet #chocolate

Hello my lovely fighters. I hope you're all alright. 💗

I'm so so so excited because I'm leaving for my school trip on sunday. I've done some research and it's just going to be amazing.
Overall I've been doing fine. School can be kinda mentally exhausting for some reason, but hey I'll have to get through it.
Also, I've been thinking about this account recently and I might turn into a more 'personal diary.' Posting pictures of just my food is kinda hard (nobody knows about my account) and it's becoming boring to me. I'll probably just post about things that interest me and 'why recovery is worth it' related stuff..

💕Really loving this quote today🌅

Yesterday I received the news that I didn't get the job I really wanted.🙁
I had thought that the interviews went amazing, and there were multiple indicators that multiple people told me looked really positive, and I got my hopes up.
Like, really really high up.
Like, I put aside my natural cynicism, and was hopeful.
And I didn't get it.🥀

I'm super bummed. I'm angry. And frustrated. And disappointed. But I'm trying my very hardest to take this in stride, and keep believing and hoping that there's something better.
That when a door closes, a window opens.🖼

I keep saying perseverance is something I'm really working on in this chapter of my life... so this just fits right in.

Growth doesn't feel good, or comfortable when you're growing, but when you look back, it's always so worth it.

This past week, I've been relapsing, pushing away recovery, thinking that once I got good news of the job- THEN I could recover.
But enough is enough.

This morning I woke up, even though I didn't want to.
I got out of bed, even though I didn't feel like it.
I ate what I felt like eating, not the lowest calorie option, even though that's what felt comforting.
Did I get out of bed when my alarm went off? No. It took me 2 hours, but I did get up.🙌🏻
Did I put back ingredients I wanted in my breakfast, because it was just too much? Yes, but I also added in other things that I haven't had in months.💪🏻

I'm persevering, not perfecting.

Hello, everyone!

My name is Lana, I'm 29 years old and I'm currently doing my best to recover from what has been hurting me for more than 11 years.

Recovery hurts and relapses are inevitable, so most of my texts and some photos might be triggering.

I hope to find support here.
There are many incredibly motivating accounts on Instagram, and I really look up to them ❤️ I'm not the one who sees recovery as an easy journey, I've been "to hell and back" uncountable times, but I really want to be free and I won't give up.

Life is worth living 🙏

Packed lunch at the office today 😌 Sweet potato-pumpkin soup, 2 oatbreads and veggies.

Recovery brings you a freedom that your Ines never can, it allows you to be included in social events, eat ice cream just to finish it, have that extra pack of crackers because you're still hungry. Recovery is like finding out what normal is again, it's can be difficult and warped and hard to distinguish between what your illness wants and what you want, what is normal and what is disordered, it can be hard to convince yourself it's normal to eat snacks even if you aren't particularly hungry, to let yourself know that sitting down is not going to make you gain weight, that food is not the enemy. And all recoverys will be different, based on what one individual needs to challenge to get back to their normal, but the one thing true about all revoverys is that they will be worth it, and you do always deserve it ❤️hope you all have a wonderful day :))) 💪🏻#edwarrior #edrecovery #nourishnotpunish #healthyisthenewskinny #healthy #food #realrecovery #anorexia #anorexiarecovery #eatittobeatit #foodisfuel #food #choclate #realcovery #recoverforlife #realrecovery #recoveryispossible #recoveryqueen #strongnotskinny #togetherwecan #duckyoued #minniemaud #3000calories #eatittobeatit #prorecovery #recoverywin

Good morning #edfighters
Breakfast today was hazelnut oats with lots of yummy toppings 🍌🍑👌.
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I'm struggling.
Last spring keeps circling in my mind. I don't want to experience it again. There're bad emotional memories which I cannot get rid off. They keep repeating themselves non-stop.
No matter what I try to do - block them, radically accept them, try to figure out why I keep thinking of them - they won't go away. So there must be a reason why these moments are so powerfully present in my mind 🍁

And I'm freaking out. Weight gain has been so rapid, and yes I know exactly why that happens!! But the number on the scale gets bigger and bigger. I wasn't even underweight when I started recovery. So I don't have the right to eat this much. I gain too much too fast. I'm not ready. I don't want this. Even my mood fights against! I feel horrible, absolutely horrible.
I'm so fucking freaking out! 😖

Fucking oedema 😡

Sorry for rant, but I just had to get it out of my system 😔

Hopefully you have a better day! ❤

Was finishing off my beloved @picspeanutbutter yesterday morning but there was a little rebellious scrape of PB that wouldn't let go of the jar (see it, down at the bottom?). So when dad went to recylcle the jar, naturally I exclaimed 'no! It's not done', because every scrape of peanut butter counts. 😅👍
So last night I tried something sorta new and made overnight oats with berries, and this morning I added some of a flat peach, and some seeds. And oh my goodness this was quite nice and also allowed my poor over tired brain to have some extra sleep time? (Legit I've been mentally a day ahead all week and it sucks). 😍👌
So yeah another PB down and sadly (but surely) I have to move on to new horizons and try another new one to keep ana on her toes. But also, did you know Pics does cashew(?) and almond butter in other places? Like, C'MON UK GET IT TOGETHER I HAVE NEEDS. 😂🙌

🌯Tuna Wraps and Fruit🍇

Repeat ingredients are the real MVP's for always showing up🌟

Those standard simple meals, with the basic ingredients that are on constant repeat (i.e. Red onion, red bell pepper, and spinach) are some of the best ones for a reason.

As a kid, whenever one of my friends or I would say that we loved a certain food, the other person would ALWAYS reply with some variation of "If you love it why don't you marry it??"

I'd like to go back to this and challenge that if we love it... why don't we just eat it everyday instead? Don't get me wrong, lifetime commitment to red onion doesn't seem like a bad thing... 🤤
But I'd prefer to keep onion rings in my mouth, rather than on my fingers.💍

Back in porridge mode!!! This time a year I'm having oats for #breakfast more often than in the summer, some of you might find it strange but some of you probably agree. At least I've had looooads of'em the past weeks and I really love it! Rn I'm on my way to work, today I'll be there from 8am til 6pm, 10 hours yes. I'm pretty tired since I was at Simon's yesterday and the time just flew, we were watching tv and kind of fell asleep, and when I grabbed my phone the watch showed me 10.47pm... kind of too late since I was about to have an early morning. Well, obviously I'm alive but I could've been a bit more energized, anyway... have a nice day sweeties and take care!! ❣️ nouw.com/cjulias link in bio

Starting Throwback Thursday with some of my favourite things: Sunsets, bicycles, canals, and Leiden.

Pink skies and peaceful waters are perfection💕

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