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If you know me, or have followed me through the start of a New Year, you may remember that for many years now I have chosen to take a word into the coming year rather than a resolution.
I've never been big on New Years Resolutions...in fact I'm not sure that I've ever even set one...it always seemed a bit silly to wait until the page of a calendar flipped to set a goal, especially when you make them so lofty you are just setting yourself up to fail. However for the past 8 or 9 years I have chosen a word for the New Year. This word represents how I want to live & what I want to experience and intentionally focus more on in the next 365 days. I've been trying out different words for the past few days-literally saying random words out loud while driving, in the shower, sitting and watching tv-and today finally felt like I found the one that feels right, so my word for 2018 is ANYWAY.
In many ways the word anyway is connected to having a choice. Knowing that I have the ultimate ability to choose something, even if it’s just my response to a situation, is incredibly important to my heart. It’s also incredibly powerful to my ultimate feeling of wellbeing and safety in this world.
So in 2018-
When I am terrified, when all I want to do is turn around and run away instead of facing my feelings-I will keep my feet planted ANYWAY.
When my voice shakes and being silent feels easier and like less of a risk-I will speak ANYWAY.
When I get tired of eating and it feels like a chore that never goes away-I will pick up the fork ANYWAY.
When my heart gets broken, as tender hearts do-I will continue loving ANYWAY.
When I spend time with those most precious to me, I’ll be fully present with them and less focused on the perfect picture-Friends and family are more important than impressing anonymous followers ANYWAY.
When I don’t do life, recovery, or relationships perfectly, I will give myself grace as best I know how-Nobody likes perfect people ANYWAY.
And in the fleeting moments that will sneak up on me in the coming year, in the moments of doubt when I distrust that I have what it takes to keep fighting-I will remind myself that for 34 years-I’ve done it ANYWAY.

Rain rock casino will be opening soon so they had us put some bright advertising on there security truck. #wrapped #wrappedgraphics #wrap #casino #yreka #rainrock @rainrockcasinoyreka

It begins. #rainrock

How Old Are You to call yaself a rocker))
ROCK~ N~ ROLL, Brothers & Sisters!
#rocknroll #alexdoldov #bluesrock #fashion #rockstarr #rainrock

Check out our new demo single "In White Robes" on Spotify, iTunes, Soundcloud, and pretty much everywhere else! #rainrock #itunes #spotify #soundcloud

The past 11 days have been beyond painful for me emotionally for reasons I’m not feeling ready to share yet. The intensity of my emotions has definitely made making recovery focused choices much more difficult than normal, especially because I simply have zero appetite-a pretty common occurrence in times of increased stress/sadness for people, yet dangerous for someone who struggles with anorexia. I’m really trying this weekend to go back to my recovery ‘ground zero’ and one of those markers is ice cream. I began eating it early into my stay at Rainrock and continued to eat it daily until it was no longer a fear. 200+ days. I still have it multiple times a week but haven’t wanted it since just before Thanksgiving when I got the news that has shaken my heart so badly. Today I saw this flavor and thought it sounded like something I would enjoy, and tonight I made the choice to do it anyway. I’m not afraid of the ice cream like I once was, so that wasn’t so much the challenge. However, choosing to eat even when sadness is making it feel like an unwanted chore is a challenge right now, and eating anyway is a victory. •
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#thankfulheart #thankfulforatreatmentteamthatlovesmethroughmybrokenness #icandohardthings #iamdoinghardthings #ihavedonehardthings #doitafraid #anorexiarecovery #eatingdisorderrecovery #edrecovery #ptsdrecovery #livinginthepink #thisistheliving #lifeisbetteralive #ilookbetteralive #bravegirlliving #loveheals #biggerjeansbiggerlife #insanelyterrified #wildlycourageous #rainrock #edcp #montenido

Арт-клуб ""Корова"" 20:00
#александрдолгов #александрдолговдождь #группадождь #харьковконцерт
#концертыхарьков #kharkovmusic
#alexdolgovguitar #alexanderdolgov #alexdolgov #kharkovevent #korovaclub #funkrock #rainrock #kharkov #internetbilet #rockstar #dolgoval #breslavskiy #kharkovgo
БИЛЕТЫ: https://kharkov.internet-bilet.ua/Aleksander-dolgov-s-dojd

Thankful for finally having a day at home to just relax and regroup. And for the chance to put up my very first Christmas tree in my own place! The past 14 months since getting home from treatment have been full of so many precious moments that weren’t possible when I was entrenched in anorexia. I spent more than one Christmas in the hospital with doctors telling me to enjoy the holiday season because it would likely be my last. So while it may just seem like yet one more Christmas tree, for me it represents one more moment choosing recovery and really fighting for it has allowed me to experience! •
• •

#thankfulheart #thankfulforatreatmentteamthatlovesmethroughmybrokenness #icandohardthings #iamdoinghardthings #ihavedonehardthings #doitafraid #anorexiarecovery #eatingdisorderrecovery #edrecovery #ptsdrecovery #livinginthepink #thisistheliving #lifeisbetteralive #ilookbetteralive #bravegirlliving #loveheals #biggerjeansbiggerlife #insanelyterrified #wildlycourageous#rainrock #montenido #edcp #deckthehalls #christmas2017 #falalalala

Little late to the party but we had a rad time at @smod_fest this year. We met so many great people and witnessed a lot of serious talent over the weekend! #blackvelvet #stonedmeadowofdoom #bangover -
#rocknroll #stonerrock #stonedmeadowofdoomfest #siouxfalls #stonermetal #rainrock #twopiece #duoofdoom #orangeamps #beardlife

Even though I've only been working for a month, I can honestly say I love what I do. I get to cook for others every day. I get to create meals on my own. I get to use the many strengths I learned through #montenido, #rainrock, and #edce to help others realize that #recoveryispossible . #edrecovery #neda #iamworthit #recoveryisworthit #oregon #oregonfood #foodporn #pnw #pacificnorthwest #ilovemyjob

52 weeks.
52 weeks ago today I graduated from the Monte Nido system in Oregon and prepared to fly home. 365 days ago I last hugged those that had grown to mean so much to me while waiting in wild anticipation to run into the arms of those I'd spent 6 months away from. In the past year I have gotten a job (that I think I'm damn good at!), when 18 short months ago it was not far fetched to believe that I'd probably be on disability for the rest of whatever life I had left. I've moved into my own place for the first time and have created it to be the cozy, safe nest I've always needed-and always deserved-just was never able to achieve while sick. I've used my voice more than ever and am learning to be ok with all parts of my humanness, as well as others humanness. I've remained weight restored even though it continues to be difficult to accept a body that still feels like foreign territory to my eyes and brain. This uncharted land allows me to have a life that familiar territory didn't...so I continue to allow the guides I trust to help me navigate it. I came across the Eaters Agreement I wrote prior to graduating treatment today and I was so thankful to read it again. It was a reminder of how I have honored my commitments to myself in ways I forgot I even was. I have eaten the cake at every party over the past year. Have ice cream nearly every night. Have not known the number on that damn scale since March 29th, 2016. My voice is used to speak my pain, not my body. I am doing this. I am writing my story. I am living in the pink. I am being my own hero!

I had an evening filled with 💦. Too many thoughts. #nostalgia from '15/'16 hit hard. #grapestomper from @doghouse420 at 21.6% THC is stomping out my PTSD & my neck pain really well so I'm gonna refocus & do some yoga before bed. Found some great videos for neck and shoulders yoga. My papa gave me that fluorite pendant a year ago but I finally can wear it since I have a chain. Looked up the 🔮properties and it seems perfect for what's going on right now. Swipe for more info I found from crystals&jewelry.com about #flourite #flouritenecklace #greenflourite #purpleflourite #eugenestoner #ommppatient #medicalmarijuana #maryoliver #thepondspoem #rainrock #rainrockers #edsandcannabis #ptsdandcannabis

Black Limestone Fountain with Polished Rain Rock Pebbles

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