#psoriaticcolitis

MOST RECENT

So excited to be getting back into it! Thank you @thefancybum for being the most amazing and positive trainer and getting my bum to look fancy! it's amazing to be able to start trusting my body again. The fear of leaving my apartment lessens everyday!
#fancybum #equinox #commitment #workhardtrainhard #workout #stronger #autoimmunediseases #psoriaticarthritis #psoriaticcolitis #spoonielife #spoonielife #depression #spooniewarrior #ptsd #positivevibes #fightingforward

Obviously it's been a rough cycle between treatments, but I made it through under the wire and was cleared to get it on Friday😊 I am trying to see all of this as a positive and use it to light a fire under my ass again.
I didn't realize how long I was sick for and kept trying to push through because I am so scarred to loose everything I have worked so hard to gain back in my life. In that I also realize that if I don't take care of myself I will loose it all anyway and I don't want to stop moving forward and getting stronger. I have earned the ability to have confidence in myself and where I am at this moment in time. I know I still have a lot to work on and grow, but I trust I am moving in the right direction.
I just want to and need to take it day by day and make the most of every moment I feel well and take care of things when I dont so I can continue on moving forward.
I don't want to just survive each day, I want to live each day!

Thank you Mommy for being my treatment buddy and #katespade for designing dresses that lift people's spirits and make them happy 😄😄 #femalewarrior #fightingforward #spooniewarriors 💪
#spoonielife #spooniefashion #fashionaddict #brightness #positivevibes 🖖#autoimmunediseases #psoriaticarthritis #psoriaticcolitis #depression
#anxiety #ptsdawareness #infusion #familylove❤️ #miniarmy

As I sit quietly reading this book yet again I’m finding it hard to not see myself in the pages. Yes, this book is about 1 mans struggle with heroin addiction and that is something I do not battle. I’ve done all I can to not become an addict while living on pain management for the most part of my adult life. The first time I read this book I took it in for the stories. As I’m soaking in the words another time it’s clear the message I’m to receive is about over coming something that seems bigger than I am.
#heroindiaries #nikkisixx #addiction #book #learning #warrior #battle #overcome #strong #spoonie #wonderwoman #autoimmunedisease #chronicillness #chronicpain #raredisease #psoriaticarthritis #psoriaticcolitis #seizures #tachycardia #ptsd #anxiety #treatment #recovery

You dance when you get them' good pain meds and your own hospital room... with my own bathroom and @familyguyfox "Hotel, shmotel....Lennox Hill Inn... 2times in one week = #awesomeness #killme

#sugarhillgang #spoof #rappersdelight #sarcasm #spooniewarriors #spoonielife #autoimmunedisease #psoriaticarthritis #psoriaticcolitis #ptsd #kidneyinfection #sepsisawareness #yourkidneyisimportant

Life can be hard and many people lose their authentic self in the daily process. I’ve had several years of pre-awakening that have led me to this exact point in my life. A perfect point where I have been broken down as far as I could go. Yet still. I rise. Like the Phoenix from the ashes. I was told that year 36 was my year to fly. So I am doing all I can to make the most out of this year. My business is expanding. My soul is finding safe places to rest and grow in strength. My body has restarted back on Chemo and biologics. My heart is learning to love again. Plus so much more! I’m exhausted from treatment today but I’m excited for the next 12 months ahead of me. Time to let go of things holding me down and build an empire. I am stronger because I know what weakness feels like. Oh and I hate it!!! #spoonie #warrior #wonderwoman #autoimmunedisease #chronicillness #chronicpain #raredisease #psoriaticarthritis #psoriaticcolitis #seizures #tachycardia #ptsd #anxiety #treatment #recovery #inkedgirls #inkedup #messyhairdontcare #staystrong #livelife #chasehappiness

Another beautiful day spent with Family celebrating Spring. I’m thankful for all the laughter, time with those who love me no matter what, amazing food, whiskey, the beauty of WV countryside and my hope being restored.
#daughters #springbreak #servicedog #labrador #girlpower #strongwomen #spoonie #warrior #wonderwoman #autoimmunedisease #chronicillness #chronicpain #raredisease #psoriaticarthritis #psoriaticcolitis #seizures #tachycardia #ptsd #anxiety #treatment #recovery
#youtuber #youtube #vlog #vlogger #inspire

I am beyond moved & grateful for each message. It’s nice to feel like I matter. The last 3months have been hell. Thank you to those people who keep up with me via any or all my Instagram pages ( @sarahsbellavita @service_dog_flo @bellavitaphotowv @nikki_zitkala ) If you haven’t followed those accounts feel free to do so.
Supportive, kind, loving messages of concern, well wishes, encouraging quotes, funny memes, sharing new music & so much more. I’ve been told y’all are missing my Social Media Presence. I’ve been struggling emotionally with a several HUGE heartbreaking issues. I’m trying to navigate the energy in my home. Be the best Mom, Friend, Daughter, Business Owner, & Lover I can possibly be is exhausting. So here’s a short recap: Dec26 my fallopian tubes were surgically removed. Due to complications of that surgery & finding very active endometriosis I had a partial hysterectomy on Feb16. My recovery has been SLOW! I’ve not been allowed to workout or take my immune suppressant meds. Several of my diseases are out of remission. While others are in worst flares possible! My Pain is high. Mobility a challenge. Emotions at war. Work extremely busy. Change coming but so many great things I’m looking forward to.
I’m sorry I haven’t been vlogging. I needed some time off. However, a Vlog will be posted this Monday to my YouTube Channel (link is in my bio) Please watch & subscribe. My goal is short vids sharing my daily life & sharing what I learned in that day. Posts will be 2-4 times a week. It’s what is realistic for me at this time. To my #spoonies and #assultsurvivors as you know even if I’m not posting Doesn’t mean I’m not keeping up w/what you’re posting. I can ALWAYS be reached! Simply make a phone call, send a text/iMessage, Instagram DM, Facebook Messenger, email, Snapchat, smoke signals or carrier pigeons. All work just fine. I use Snapchat for 90% of all communication so comment below with your Snap Name & I’ll add you.
#spoonie #warrior #wonderwoman #autoimmunedisease #chronicillness #chronicpain #maccosmetics #hottopic #gothicgirl #raredisease #psoriaticarthritis #psoriaticcolitis #seizures #tachycardia #ptsd #anxiety #treatment #recovery

I'll always be the Dentist's Daughter 😁 even when chemo and meds try too ruin me!! #nocavaties

I use two kinds of toothpaste. 1. for my gums 2. for my teeth. I rinse with fluoride and mouthwash and floss everyday to help fight all the side effects and inflammation.
The fluoride also helps strengthen the enamel on your teeth that get weakened through the meds or from all the times you've had to throw up from the meds or illness (or a lovely combination of both). Mouthwash with Biotin is amazing to help fight bacteria as well as dry mouth (another fabulous side effect). All of this can also cause bad breath, which really, is the biggest tragedy of all!

All of this will help our bodies fight what's inside of us and all the stuff we are putting into our bodies. Whether it's the illness, the steroids we take, the chemos, or just our plain ol' meds we have a lot to contend with, but we have our future to fight for. And for that I am thankful and will fight the good fight, but I don't want to do it alone.
#miniarmy #nevergiveup #strongerinnumbers
#autoimmunediseases #multiplediseases #psoriaticarthritis #psoriaticcolitis #spoonielife #spoonielife #depression #ptsd #eatingdisorder #methotrexate #arthritisofthespine #fchemo #prednisone #familylove #love #happymouth #cleanteeth

Giggling our way through treatment! very sleepy..soo night, night 🤗 "love doesn't make the world go round, but it sure make the ride worth while" 😍

#infusionlounge #psoriaticarthritis #psoriaticcolitis #spoonielife #spooniewarriors #autoimmunediseases #laughter #love #depression #ptsd #anxiety #fchemo #spondylitis #familylove❤️ #simponi

As I continue soul searching I am finding the walls that I’d slowly started to break down I am now quickly rebuilding. Truly Sad because I was really starting to enjoy the amazing feelings I was having. My heart seems to always be twisting and turning with in my own chest. It beats simply for those tiny moments when I allow myself to feel again. Which isn’t something I trust myself to do. The sad part is I have so many great things happening in my life but I’m emotionally paralyzed. I hate feeling this way so if I am being more quiet than usual please know it’s not personal. I am simply trying to survive the best way that I know how. For those that have been looking after and know all that’s going on with me I appreciate each of you. I’m amazed that even those of you that live in different time zones are checking in on me several times daily. Each call, text, snap and vidchat I have with y’all gives me 🥄spoons🥄
#girlsinglasses #spoonie #redhairdontcare #bodypiercings #whatcontour #winterfashion #browneyedgirl #warrior #wonderwoman #autoimmunedisease #chronicillness #chronicpain #raredisease #psoriaticarthritis #psoriaticcolitis #seizures #tachycardia #ptsd #anxiety #treatment #recovery
#youtuber #youtube

Such a whirlwind day it was! Drove up to NYC with my oldest daughter to have an early 14th Birthday Celebration. As my youngest daughter and husband were heading to a Capitals Hockey game with my parents to celebrate Bree’s 8th Birthday. @heyyy.its.destiny and I had a great drive up. Enjoyed shopping in Times Square. Had a Starbucks snack. Then went to dinner and saw CHICAGO. So much fun and laughter. We are looking forward to our adventure today. “Do that which sets your soul on fire. Not that which will reduce you to small ashes.” #nyc #timessquare #starbucks #handm #newclothes #smile #happybirthday #mywhy #roadtrip #chicagothemusical #broadway #spoonie #warrior #wonderwoman #autoimmunedisease #chronicillness #chronicpain #raredisease #psoriaticarthritis #psoriaticcolitis #seizures #tachycardia #ptsd #anxiety #treatment #recovery

31,536,000 seconds 525,600 minutes 8,760 hours 365 days 52 weeks 12 months 1 year.
On Feb 7, 2017 the build up of constant let downs, massive heartbreaks, 6 diagnoses, 4 people walking out of my life, knowing I was losing my hair, seizures, & much more were too much to cope with. I’d done all I knew to do but thoughts of suicide & self-harm were all I saw. After 3more low blows within 1hour the spinning began & boom PANIC ATTACK! Being home alone I went to my bathroom, took out my bag of pills & favorite lighter. The choice was kill or burn. It didn’t take long before I was staring at my foot that was on fire. The pain was Freedom. It stopped the voices. As the smell of burning flesh was washing over me I took a deep breath & calmly put out the flame. I slowly cleaned/bandaged my foot & went on with my day. The aftermath of consequence was more awful than I ever imagined. I sacrificed myself to not loose someone else. I didn’t go to the hospital out of fear of more judgement. I stayed quiet & let an even larger piece of my soul die. I knew I needed help. That I couldn’t ever get that low again. I started intense therapy. Joined FB Groups & battled each second. Sometimes I got close to relapse. Too close! But I would look down at my scars from that day & tell myself “I will not harm today!” With each new morning I would proclaim/promise myself those words before opening my eyes. Now today I sit here shocked I’ve made it to 1 year. Recovery is a process. Just like with any other coping mechanism (drugs, alcohol, food, shopping, sex, etc) I had to give up my “best friend”... throwing away my lighter at 3 months gutted me but I looked ahead. I’m not saying I’m cured or anything like that. This is a life long process that I’m committed to. People see me & think life is perfect but I have real scars to prove life is nothing more than a battle we each face head on while using our own coping strategies. I hope that this next year I can help others the way I’ve been helped. Hope is real! #spoonie #warrior #wonderwoman #autoimmunedisease #chronicillness #chronicpain #raredisease #psoriaticarthritis #psoriaticcolitis #seizures #selfharm #ptsd #treatment #recovery

Someone asked me the other day “so how does it feel to be 36?” I answered with “oh you know...once you hit 30 it all feels the same from here on out.” It was the only words I could put together on the spot that would suffice & not make that individual feel like a complete dick for asking me such a ridiculous question. Yet, in all honesty I had no real positive answer to give. Nothing feels different. Nothing has changed. I’m still a hot mess. I’m still battling “more than imaginable” to most people. My life is always spinning & rarely ends in my favor. I boost others up to watch them win, succeed & get all they want in life. All while I still fight for the simple things like the ability to stay hydrated & manage regulating a heart that has no clue how to beat correctly. I have lost the ability to look far into the future & manage on 3-6 months schedules. I tend to live fast, spend too much, stay quiet when I should speak up, get tattooed a lot, drive Puddin like I stole him, spoil my kids, eat things I shouldn’t, shoot whiskey when I’m confused/sad, get lost in song lyrics, let myself be absorbed in work, have too many plants & animals to take care of...& so much more. Why? All are coping mechanisms I’ve formed over the years. Right or Wrong I am surviving from 1 point to the next. This life isn’t a Fairytale. It’s hard & filled with challenges. It’s the harsh cold on a winters day & the heat of the blazing summer sun. However, it’s also the feeling of snow flakes on your tongue & that glow of sun kissed skin. It’s dark & it’s light. It’s not ever going to be easy & nothing is without a cost. So at the end of the day if we can answer “was it worth it?” with a smile & find personal fulfillment in those moments we can close our eyes & wake ready for the next day. If that question can’t be answered then sleepless nights are followed by emotion filled next days. I guess that is the ultimate & great equalizer?!?! #spoonie #warrior #wonderwoman #autoimmunedisease #chronicillness #chronicpain #raredisease #psoriaticarthritis #psoriaticcolitis #seizures #tachycardia #ptsd #anxiety #treatment #recovery #theone #harleyquinn #inkedgirls #ink #starbucks #livefree #always

I've seen a lot of struggling chronies on insta this weekend. Sending you ladies all my love and spoons. Keep on keeping on my soul-dier sisters ❤❤❤Also the work of @fitness_and_rheumatoid is giving me GOALS. YOU GO GIRL!! And @classy.fighter has some great inspo words for us ❤#chronie #chronicillness #chronicillnesswarrior #arthritis #ra #rheumatoidarthritis #inflamatoryarthritis #psoriaticarthritis #psoriaticcolitis #osteoarthritis #crps #crohnsdisease #autoimmune #autoimmunedisease #strongimmunesystems #toostrong #community #support #spoonsforall #spoonies #warriors #tomorrow #buildit

Over the last month I've not felt like myself at all! I've tried so many things to help get me feeling "normal" but at the end of the day I would cry myself to sleep. I was feeling hopeless and just didn't care at much at all. Well a week or so ago I decided "no more! I miss the old me!" So I took a "me day", painted more, downloaded new Indie Artists, spent time with Tribe both near and far, made lots of plans for the warmer months, set business and personal goals, and so much more. Last night after almost 4 months I surprised my best friend with a night out. My pain was high, body shutting down, eyes heavy looking for sleep, and a book was calling my name. But instead I freshened up my makeup and hair then out the door I went. It was another night I'll never forget! @cf_hodges I can't thank you enough for being such an amazing friend to me. We always have so much fun yet we can have deep real convos. So as I must get up. Which is hard when I got to sleep around 4am. I have 2 Girls that are excited to go shopping. So I will Warrior On! Hoka Hey!
#spoonie #warrior #wonderwoman #autoimmunedisease #chronicillness #chronicpain #raredisease #psoriaticarthritis #psoriaticcolitis #seizures #tachycardia #ptsd #anxiety #treatment #recovery #imwatchingu #stalker #alwayswatching #servicedog #servicedogflo #medicalertdog #blacklab #labrador

To say my last 3 weeks have been tough would be a drastic understatement. Since surgery I've had many complications. High pain & excessive bleeding. Far too many "deep" & "draining" conversions. Rested when possible but still running out of "Spoons" by noon daily. Had a panic attack that knocked me on my ass...thankfully my Parents were there for me. Felt "Blah" & "Meh" about damn near everything. Fought with my Health Insurance Company for authorization to get my Inflixamab (Remicade or Inflectra) as they said I needed to prove "medical necessity"...so now I'm a week over due but hopefully I can get it Monday. I've had more blood work done & a pelvic ultrasound done as I need to go back into surgery very soon to do a partial hysterectomy. Plus more I can't remember at this time...I'm slightly discouraged so going into today knowing I had in hospital hydration I made sure I was ready to sleep a lot. Thankfully I slept through my whole 1st liter. After 2 liters I'm feeling a bit better. I am hoping I can start feeling more like myself soon, heal some more, enjoy the next 3-4 weeks & head into the next surgery stronger. I will not give up. Not ever. I will Warrior On with My Tribe by my side. Thank you all who've reached out to me. You have no clue the strength you've given me to push through the hardest days.
#spoonie #warrior #wonderwoman #autoimmunedisease #chronicillness #chronicpain #raredisease #psoriaticarthritis #psoriaticcolitis #seizures #tachycardia #ptsd #anxiety #treatment #recovery #imwatchingu #stalker #alwayswatching #servicedog #servicedogflo #medicalertdog #blacklab #labrador #dog #dogsofinstagram

My #bestnine2017 doesn't look much different than my 2016 or 2015. Only thing that I can see that was a big change is I lost most of my hair 😫 truly one of my heart breaking moments of the year that's for sure! 4 in hospital pics, 1 at home treatment pic, 1 pic at the Shore House, 1 sarcastic meme about chronic illness, 1 pic with My Thor & 1 pic the day after I bought My Mustang.
2017 brought me so much pain. So many times I didn't know how I would keep going. I was knocked down, heartbroken, stepped on, kicked, mocked, laughed at & left behind. Many pains from those who swore to not hurt me. Much anger & overall fear that I used to drive me to get help with my mental health. I have built walls/boundaries that NO ONE can break through. I have adjusted expectations, let go of the "what ifs" & the "what the hells". Made choices that no one agreed with. Took risks and went under the knife again in hopes to prolong this crazy life I have. My Tribe is now extremely small & even those in it still don't get an all access pass to me. I will forever keep somethings just for me. Some places I can find peace & some quiet times I disappear with no explanation to anyone. I'm looking forward to 2018 & hoping for the needed successes in my business, the strength to keep fighting & a heart willing to try again. 2017 wasn't all bad so I'll hold onto the warm concert nights with some of my faves, family pool time laughter, long walks with my pup, learning all about my Mustang, tattoo therapy, outdoor fires with Country Music, taking chances, investing time in self care, photo shoots, the beach trips & sun kissed skin. Sooooo bring on 2018! I'm ready to battle another year. #servicedog #servicedogflo #medicalertdog #blacklab #labrador #dog #spoonie #warrior #wonderwoman #autoimmunedisease #chronicillness #chronicpain #raredisease #psoriaticarthritis #psoriaticcolitis #seizures #tachycardia #ptsd #anxiety #pots #treatment #recovery #endometriosis #pcos #meme #husband #daughter #tattoos

After another successful & happy Christmas we are all settled into some of our new comfy clothes. Laptops & new game systems are set up. Not a sign of tape or wrapping paper is in sight & I'm left to think on the next 24 hours. You would think that seeing this will be like my 1,000th surgery/procedure I would be used to this feeling by now. But I'm not! You see each day of 2017 was a challenge. I've had wins & losses just like anyone else. I was diagnosed with 3 more chronic illnesses. Gained a few great relationships & let go of those people who abandoned me. I've seen the bottom again & yet still found a few good reasons to not give up. Tomorrow is another opportunity to allow my body the choice to live at the hands of a Surgeon. A man I've only met once & a surgical team that only knows me from my medical records. If I said I wasn't nervous I would be lying but I must take this chance to gain less pain in 1 area. To help me be more functional & give me less anxiety filled days. My Tribe of Tried & True Warriors to carry me along this part of my journey as I need by my side. Each of them meaning more to me than they will ever know. To those of you that live in Canada, NYC, Chicago, Southern Illinois, Several Cities in Cali, Northern VA, Miami, Cambridge Mass, Myrtle SC, Phoenix, Maryland, Wiltshire UK and here in WV I have to say "thank you". I know I'm a ball of strong passionate energy with no limits & can be a challenge to love but somehow each of you find a way to keep showing me that no matter what you're not going anywhere. I hope I am able to keep showing this world that if I can do it so can anyone. That there are real super heroes on this planet & if by chance we get more breath in our lungs may we speak of love only. So it's with my head bowed that I face this battle & say proudly HOKA HEY! #hokaheystrong #nativeamerican #hokahey #daughters #tribe #love #surgery #spoonie #warrior #wonderwoman #autoimmunedisease #chronicillness #chronicpain #raredisease #psoriaticarthritis #psoriaticcolitis #seizures #tachycardia #ptsd #anxiety #treatment #recovery #polycysticovariansyndrome #intercystialcystitis

I'm actually glad for this as I never realized how much time I was wasting. These spaces in my life are now completely closed and I will not be adding anyone new to my Tribe for a very very long time! I saw it coming but was fed lies. I chose to believe such lies and in the end I'm the one to "blame". Nope! No more! I am thankful for the strength I'm gaining in my mental health and can only hope those certain people are seeking professional help as that's the only way out of the mess they have created but refuse to see.
#spoonie #warrior #wonderwoman #autoimmunedisease #chronicillness #chronicpain #raredisease #psoriaticarthritis #psoriaticcolitis #seizures #tachycardia #ptsd #anxiety #treatment #recovery #JustSaying #Befree
#quote #quotes #quoteoftheday #quotestoliveby #sayings

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