What am I hungering for? One of the journal prompts from #thegreatremembering by @skylarlibertyrose that I received yesterday. I started reading the email but only today can I see my way to answering it.
Miss Ella is off school with an ear infection. Alan is in bed with the shivers and sickness probably related to his thyroid. I've been oscillating between getting things done in the house, working on business and their sick bodies.
Sleep has been missing for me over the last 48 hours. So I'm hungering for rest. But then again I'm also hungering for time and space to create uninterrupted. I'm hungering for Iceland. And all it represents.
Call be greedy. Call me ungrateful. Call be resentful. I've been calling myself them same names for the past few days. I had a taste of freedom and I loved it. I also love my life at home with my family. I love my family. But sometimes when you're in the thick of it, it's hard. Hard to stay human. Hard to keep the love, patience and compassion flowing. Oh and it was Mother's Day yesterday. Okay just mentioning it!
I know a good night's sleep would make a hell of a difference. And I know this crawling skin, trying to climb out of body and mind kind of feeling isn't the normal way I feel. I know I'm thrashing against the tide, the dark, when I should just surrender to things as they are. Release all expectations and desires and just be with things as they are.
I write this as Miss Ella eats sausage and more ketchup and watches Mr Bean. I snatch moments to write, it helps me. As does reading a paragraph here and there about Creative Business Planning. We do what we can and we should let ourselves off with the rest. #iamthrashing #atthecrossroadsofshouldandmust #compassion #patience #practice #iamcreating #iamwriting #iamtired #iammissingiceland #westfjordsresidency #iceland #gratitude #lettinggo