During my teens, my ideas used to become vague and usually empowered by the strongest and most popular idea in the room. I was used to giving up what I believe in and easily take up else's energy. And if you believe that it stayed in my teens than you are wrong.
Why so? I don't know.

Some might call it being neutral or empathetic but I think of it as a weakness. I could never stand to my point and then the question rose in my mind, Do I even have faith in what I believe in to stand with it? It was quite a tiresome debate in my mind with no particular winner except that I lost it after a while.
Time passed and today as I stand on the borderline of graduation, having seen a full fledged four year college life and knowing what actually peer pressure means as well as how much your company affects you, it's been a roller coaster ride but I finally understood the idea of savouring your own believes while respecting others. I had to get used to the fact that I am different. My mentality, my views and my personality comes from a totally different background and lifestyle. I have grown up reading books, mythological stories, learning about racism, ideas of beauty, perfectionalism and how all this ruins us as a human being. I realised that many other people read about it as well but not many let it penetrate deep into their heart. I realised that even though my ideas are not very popular, they are true to my heart and hence, should be expressed with confidence.
When I sit in a room filled with views and opinions today, there is one of mine as well, though usually not that popular but I still keep it cause it's mine and the importance of believing in it is saved in my heart. I do hear of others as well and sometimes I find new and exciting things to discover from them but nevertheless, I don't let my views die on the porch just to be the staircase for another.
I hope you do not as well.

and at nights
when the world abandons my soul
because of my worthlessness
i close my eyes
i feel you beside me
smiling, helping me through
embracing.. Talking with me
i find you beside me
and I don't wish to leave
the tears at the edges of my eyes dry
the smile fixates on my skin
it's alright for awhile
at nights
when I lose
you help me win
to live another day's life. ©_shweta

Pic source : Pinterest

THOSE LOCKED HANDS ON THE WAY "How many dollars for this one, miss?", you ask while I arrange those books in my bookshop.
My narrowed eyes try to capture that smile, zooming in and blurring the surrounding. "Dad!!!!? ", I shout. And I embrace you in excitement, though it's not my kind of act.
I shrug off the excitement aside and still wonder how did you make all this way, oceans far to visit me. "Is New York being easy on you?", you ask sipping the coffee in the restaurant beside my bookshop. They were playing 90s songs and you seemed to enjoy the music. I was glad to see your shoulders move and feet tap on some English tune. "Yes, it is. Dad.", I say.
'Dad, but it's all set. I have a flight this midnight", I stood in front of you with a degree in hand and my dream in another.

In that moment, I was dreadful about my voice, to ask you to let me leave this time. Somewhere to live once, somewhere to realize , how does it feel to see a dream come true.
I remember the time when you came at the other side of the road to help me cross it.
"Dad? I am an adult now. I know how to cross this road ", I shy away and still hold your hand. It felt like a warm embrace at a wintery night on that crowded road. A relief.
"Haha. I know. But, for me, you'd always remain my doll", you say holding onto the grip.

With trembling hands and heart beats roaring like loudspeakers I stood their like a statue. All this time, he kept me in the cave, but he taught me to be a rebel. Someone who could walk out. Someone, who has lost her fear and someone who could make it through everything.
"We would video call sooner ", a heavy voice with a tear at the side of the eyes hovered the surrounding. I was gone numb for a while and I broke into tears after seeing you let me fly.
"It's Father's day, Dad. Today, I'm selling a bunch of books for free", I say.
He smiles. And takes that book for himself, leaving a note on the table which said "I'm proud of you." Sure, the grip of our hands were set free, but I still loved to walk on these paths with your hands locked into mine disguised as the care. ©_shweta

Pic source : Pinterest

Vo chand khushiyon ke pal jisme tu mere sath thi,
Us daur us zamane ki kuch alag hi baat thi,
Wo kissa jo shuru hua aur aaj tak khtam naa ho saka,
Kya teri mehndi ki mahak itni khaas thi,
Wo shaks aaj tak waha teri intezar me zinda hai,
Wo shaks jo tujhpe bewajah aitbaar kar baitha hai,
Usse mil aur use jeene ka sahara de ja,
Kuch baat kar na kar use bas tere saath wali khamoshi ka hi pata de ja,
Tu sath aaegi kabhi is aas me wo aaj bhi din kaatta hai,
Tu sath ho na wo lekin wo har pal tujhe apna maanta hai,
Ishq ki hadd wo teri saanson ki khushboo se bhul jata hai,
Naa jane kyu wo pagal tujhe itna chahta hai..... Follow my writings on
and http://www.mirakee.com/silentsoul

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