do you believe in soulmates?🥀
i wasn’t afraid of you losing interest or of the other girls or of the games we played. i didn’t sweep them under the rug; i swept you out from over it. i thought i could force you to feel something when i was falling over on the kitchen floor again and when i couldn’t bear to open my mouth and we sat in silence for a month again and it didn’t matter that you were empty because i knew when you saw me shaking, you’d tend to me like a bruise.
i wasn’t afraid of you not loving me because you already didn't and okay, maybe you did at one time or for one moment or in your own way, but if you really loved me in the way i deserved to be loved, you would have never treated me in this way.
it never really mattered though because i was so happy, i couldn’t see straight, and really what i was the most afraid of wasn’t you not loving me; it was me never finding someone else who i could love this much, who creates this whirlwind within me, this love that radiates through my whole body. you made my heart shake and my knuckles soft and even though i don’t miss you anymore, i still miss the feelings you gave me.
why did you have to go? i hope you’re doing well without me and finding real pleasure and not fucking other girls over, but i know in your emptiness, you don’t know anything different and it just makes me sad to know i wasted so much of my heart on somebody who couldn’t fill the hole back in and now i wonder if this is how emptiness is made to begin with.
if not you, then who?