In the company of Korean-American friends tonight and it just... it feels “right”. I know I sound crazy trying to talk about the difference between a Korean community and a Korean-American one, but this dichotomy is what keeps me battling in my prayer room trying to quell the resentment inside of me against a people of a different culture with which I cannot possibly associate. I may look the very part of a Korean, but I am every bit an American. Ever since marriage to my husband (whom I love to pieces and am blessed to be called his), I’ve been trying to embrace the Korean community more, but the more I do so, the more I feel threatened of my freedoms. I do not want to see myself changing for anyone in the department of mannerisms and attitudes. I dislike feeling like I have to lose a part of myself—lose my transparency—in order to feel like I belong to the Korean people. It’s like behind each compromise is a Jenga piece pulled out and I stand teeter tottering precariously on the brink of toppling over from all the falsehood. I am not Korean. I hardly even know one of their holidays and cannot be expected to share the same inside jokes or indirect expectations to meet their needs. I very much dislike to sound like I’m complaining or singling them out in any way, but I am tired of looking like the oddball in a Korean community. I respect the people and the culture, I truly do. But it’s one thing to respect them, and a whole other thing to feel comfortable and become a part of a culture I am not. At the end of the day, it’s a matter of my sinful tendencies, one with which I need to spend a whole lot more time for personal conviction to become more patient and loving with all peoples. To the Koreans around me, I hope you do not take offense to my feelings—I hope you read this with a compassionate heart and understand that it has just been rather difficult for me to tolerate cultural barriers over the past couple years. Please pray with me that my heart grows to overcome my shortcomings and embrace challenges with a joyful heart—to see it as an opportunity for growth instead of loss, for strength instead of weakness. What I cannot do, He can do that and much more.