As some of you saw in my story feed today, I went to a psychiatrist for the first time. He validated that I have A LOT going on emotionally, and that I have a long long road ahead to recovery. It is hard not to see it as discouragement. The way he spoke I felt like I'm "a real piece of work"; not in a bad way... but in a surreal way. My final diagnosis is now #majordepressivedisorder. I'm going to work with him, my psychologist, my massage therapist, my VAC case manager, a lady from rehabilitation for retraining.
Getting well isn't glamorous. It requires asking for help and following through with your support team. It takes a whole darn village to keep me afloat, and I'm not sure how that makes me feel. I often feel like a burden to those I love. Some people I've let go because it was clear I was a burden. One night when I was really having trouble, I reached out to a woman who I had thought was a friend of mine. She ended up talking to me about it after the fact saying how much I'm just seeking attention and she never should have entertained me... her and her husband think I'm psycho I guess. Since this woman is a doula and works professionally with families I thought she'd be a good person to go to, but no. So here I am today getting real decent help. Ashley, I hope you never speak to anyone that way ever again, seriously. On a side note: I've been given a prescription for CBD & THC oils. So I upgraded my #paxlife. .
It's ok to ask for help. If you need help, and you ask then a "friend" belittles you, IT'S ON THEM. You walk your truth. Be authentic, and listen to people. You do not need to present the world with fake emotions. Let those people go, they only drag you down. .
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