The other day I had the startling realization that everything in my life I’ve resisted the most has also changed my life the most.
First, there was kundalini yoga.
After cancer, I was losing my mind and rabidly angry. I’d literally lose my shit in restaurants and grocery stores over nothing. My now-husband would whisper, “People are staring,” and I’d glare at him. “I. Don’t. Care.” Not many people know this but the worst part of cancer is actually after treatment.
It’s like a war ended and only then do you have the time and emotional capacity to survey the wreckage of your life, your body, your mind.
The proper social-worker term is “finding your new normal,” but let me tell you there’s nothing normal about finishing cancer treatment.
I was bald, boobless (implants yeah, but they’re not the same), and so deep inside the hole of my suffering that all I wanted to do was run away.
This desire to run away was nothing new in my life. It was my coping mechanism.
But this time couldn’t. For life reasons, I had to stay.
Somehow I discovered kundalini yoga, and although there were times I’d literally storm out of the room during one of the exercises, always skipping the post-practice meditations, slowly the practice changed my life.
During one DVD, there was a part that involved spinning around in circles, arms stretched to the sides like a bird, and the teacher joyfully said, “wherever you go, beauty follows and healing happens.” I remember wearing a pale pink turban with remnants of lost hair stuck in the threads, feeling like an alien, out of my body, out of my mind, but when the teacher said those words, I believed it.
I wanted it to be true, and I told myself, one day, I would heal myself and uplift people with my very presence.
The second thing was... (continued in comments) 📷 @spell_byronbay