I was afraid to express myself.
For most of my life:
•I was the one covering my face in photos.
• I hid in the back because I didn’t want to be seen.
• I wanted to be behind the camera instead of owning the frame.
• I worried about what people thought of me or would say.
• i didn’t share anything personal on here because I didn’t think it would matter (I didn’t show my face on here for years!!)
I couldn’t get myself to be my biggest fan. The comparison trap had taken me over like some kinda spell outta Harry Potter 🎩
I was in the seventh grade and I remember a photo of me and my friends on a tree in Central Park. I’m smiling, but you don’t see what I thinking or how I was feeling. .
“Why do I have bigger legs?”
“Why are you standing like that?” “Why this, why that, why me”
why 👏🏼 why 👏🏼 why 👏🏼
This behavior went on to stay through grammar school, high school, college and eventually leaked into all aspects of my life. It controlled the way I looked at food, turning it into an enemy rather than looking at it as fuel ⛽️. Abusing exercise instead of using it to make myself stronger. Compliments to me were hard to believe. I never felt “worthy” for anything. Relationships, opportunities, even myself tbh
It wasn’t until a switch clicked. December 2017 - the month I became full-time for myself. Much adult.
I was in charge of everything. I had no choice, but to work on the relationship with myself. It’s really is true that you can’t love anyone (or anything) until you love yourself. 2 years since my last relationship, but 2 years of learning abut me. What I love, what I hate, what I need to work on. The last year learning about what I need to improve on, what I need to kick out of this crazy mind, and that I am worthy.
With 2019 coming, I am working on:
•chilling the f out when it comes to comparing
•being present in all that I do
•opening up to you on here and IRL.
What are you working on? Comment beeeelow ⤵️ I would love to learn more about ya!