Morning cuddles with my Billy 💙🐐 x *Personal Post (Graphic Content)* - #nohatersplz
Billy is now one week old , and I feel like I've missed out on the whole thing. This week has been super #crazy but I'm mostly overwhelmed with the amount of #LOVE and #support we've had from #familyandfriends.
I want to share with you a #real insight into the first week of parenthood, #thetruth , as it turns out so many others have the same stories, their strength has helped keep me focused on all of the #joy to come, #painistemporary
After being in hospital for 3 days with contractions, no sleep and panic attacks, midwife loose babys heart rate. A button is pressed and people tumble into the small room, quickly explaining a mediolateral episiotomy and forceps. I give the nod with the epidural wearing off I feel scared. A couple of minutes later Billy tumbles into the world and is placed on my chest covered in blood, he's #perfect. Tears in my husband's eyes and I'm feeling myself drifting, I've lost alot of blood. Midwives tend to Billy my breath is shallow I can't speak while feeling each stich through my skin, they sew for an hour i am #broken, tears in my husband's eyes.
The next day my belly feels empty I look around we are alone, blood stains on our skin, the floor, bed sheets... still no mobility in my legs, I'm tired i want to pick up my baby but i can't move. I look to my husband's on a chair he has called home for 4 nights, he's finally asleep.
Home time comes I can't walk, I can't hold my baby, I can't sleep, I can't eat.. switching between painkillers and sobbing, my heart is sooo heavy, i cant do this, what have i done.
I walk into the bathroom dread, terror and fear running through me... who would of thought anyone could feel this way about a poo! They pumped me full of drugs so gave me some "gentle" relief. I scream this is a real horror movie I'm covered in sh*t, tears and blood, i feel my stiches tear. ... (continue in comments)
#newmum #laboranddelivery #northeast #nofilter #mother #love #depression #anxiety #bloodsweattears #tearsinmyhusbandseyes