Well I think the first picture represents my current mindset rather well. I am trying and learning how to deal with my mental illness better so it doesn't become debilitating. It's hard, it takes a lot of time, patience, tears and conversation but at least I am doing my best. Today was quite a good day, I woke up and washed my hair, got some breakfast and packed myself some lunch before heading into the city. I decided to go to the Hortus as I'd never been before, I was incredibly spaced out both on the bus and tram journey there but once I got inside the gardens I felt better. I saw some cacti, giant aloe plants, tulips, hiacyntes, and some fancy trees. There where butterflies and the sun was shining so I decided to eat in the gardens whilst reading on a bench along the water. It was lovely. Afterwards I headed towards the Spui to the bookstore, I stayed in there for a good hour but couldn't focus on anything. I went home quickly and left again to go to the Bosbaan where I met up with my cousin Paulus, we walked along the water, laughing at rowers who clearly had terrible technique and talked about all of the feelings ... it was nice, I'll appreciate more later but it was great to be able to show up and say 'I feel like crap' without putting on a brave face, but also to allow someone to carry a bit of my emotional baggage with me whilst I looked through it to see what could get out. I headed back home at looked after the kids whilst their parents where at work, I made them some dinner and let them watch TV before their mum came back. We brought both of them to bed, and I read them a story about a cat who thought he was a mouse. It was funny !
So yes, today has been quite nice. I would say one of my best days of the month 💛.
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