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This post is about laxative abuse, so possible trigger warning...
RECOVERY FROM LAXATIVE ABUSE IS POSSIBLE!
You have to be patient. You have to trust your body. But most importantly, you have to tell your doctor!
I used to think I was the only one abusing laxatives. But I've come to realize that lax abuse is the dark underbelly of the eating disorder world. It is shockingly common. I know this because in the year that I've openly talked about my own abuse, I've received hundreds of messages about it.
Not several.
Not dozens.
HUNDREDS.
It saddens me. It terrifies me. It pains me. And it frustrates me.
Most doctors, specialists, therapists, and even ED treatment centers have no idea just how widespread this problem is because no one is willing to talk about it! There are no statistics regarding lax abuse. How are doctors supposed to help us heal from this if we keep it a secret?!? There needs to be research done to develop methods of recovery! But it can't happen if we all stay silent!
•if you starve, OD on lax, and all that comes out is bile, blood, and intestines (like me),
•if you binge and then purge using laxatives,
•if you follow your meal plan, but are dependent on lax for daily BMs,
IT DOESN'T MATTER...
LAXATIVES ARE LAXATIVES!
ABUSE IS ABUSE!
BREAKING THE CYCLE OF ABUSE IS HARD, BUT IT IS POSSIBLE AND IT IS SO WORTH IT!
Laxatives can kill you!
I never thought I'd end up in the hospital being told my kidneys had failed and that I needed to get my affairs in order. But that's exactly what happened in February.
I never thought I'd experience so much physical pain from my ED. But I did and sometimes I still do.
I never thought I'd be able to consistently process solid foods, digest them fully, and be pooping regularly and on my own.
JUST LOOK AT ME NOW!
🌈❤️🌈❤️🌈
If you are using laxatives in any form, in any amount, please, I urge you to tell your doctor immediately. Be open, be honest, be completely truthful. Doctors need to know. Research needs to happen. Do it for yourself. Do it for everyone suffering. Do it for future generations.
You deserve recovery.
You deserve happiness.
You deserve life.
.
#rawrecovery
#laxativeabuse
#transformationtuesday

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😻😹😼PUSSY PANTS😼😹😻
Are these not the best ever? I got these at a thrift store over a year ago, but never wore them. I have difficulty wearing leggings because of my excess skin. I'm extremely self-conscious of how lumpy and bumpy my body is in places where other bodies are smooth. Tomorrow I may feel differently, but today I felt confident enough to wear what I love regardless of my body's appearance.
⭐🌈⭐🌈⭐
SO MUCH GROWTH TODAY:
•I woke up HUNGRY! My stomach was growling so much that it woke me up! I haven't felt that in months! Sure I'd get light-headed and feel faint, so I *knew* I was hungry, but I didn't *feel* hunger. Today I felt it!
•Rather than freak out or ignore it, I ATE! Yeah I fought in my head for almost an hour, but I finally made the right choice!
•I ate BEFORE 3pm! In the past, I'd stay completely empty until at least 3, and only then would I consider calorie consumption!
•I ate BEFORE I went to the gym! In the past, I couldn't/wouldn't let myself have any calories until after I felt (ED felt) I had exercised enough. Starvation actually would push me to exercise longer/harder.
•After only 5mins into my workout, I felt light-headed, so I STOPPED! In the past, if that happened, I'd wait for a moment, convince myself it was from too much caffeine, then push harder. Today I honored my body's cues and I left!
•On the way home from the gym, I went GROCERY SHOPPING and stocked up on oatmeal and yogurt! In the past, when I'm home alone for an extended time, I'd use it as a time to lose weight. Not this time!
•I had a heart-to-heart with TRISTAN after school about my ED. That was hard to do and I might talk about it here later.
•I went to an EDA MEETING! I hadn't been since July. I tried in August, but was too embarrassed about my body to go inside. I cried while sharing my victories (a mixture of pride and shame), I didn't talk after that, but at least I went!
❤️💙❤️💙❤️
HAPPY MONDAY TO ALL!
LET'S CRUSH THIS WEEK!
WE CAN DO IT!
💪💪💪💪💪
#rawrecovery
#ootd
#victory

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I've always loved going to the dentist. I've always gone to great lengths to take care of my teeth. When my baby teeth grew in, they were already stained from a medication I took during infancy. I was very aware of my different looking teeth. I remember the only electric toothbrush I ever owned. I was 3 years old and it was a giraffe and brushing my teeth was the best part of the day. I cried when we finally had to throw it away. When my adult teeth came in, I was devastated to see that they also had a mottled appearance. Again, it was from medication I had to take because I was such a sickly child. I took great pride in having outstanding dental check-ups. Looking back, I can see how obsessive I was. I felt that if I had healthy looking teeth, people would think I myself was healthy. I went through a mini-depression when I was 11 because I had gotten a cavity and at an early age, I'd promised myself I'd live to be 100 and never have a single cavity. I haven't had a cavity since. During my 3 years of braces, I brushed and flossed and rinsed after every single thing I ate, even at school. And I didn't have those plastic flossers. I had to manually thread my floss through the wire next to each bracket. I was fully committed to healthy teeth and gums. There was a time when my gums started to recede and I actually had exposed roots. I had started compulsively over brushing and it was damaging my gums. I didn't realize it at the time, but this was an eating disorder behavior. As a teenager (and then again just a few years ago), I would brush and rinse with minty mouthwash dozens of times a day to avoid food. I thought (until recently) that my teeth were safe from my eating disorder because I didn't purge through vomiting. I never thought that malnutrition had an affect on teeth, but it does. My teeth were crumbling and I had repair work done this summer. I've stopped brushing too often, I've stopped over-using bleach strips, and I'm accepting that I will always have discolored mottled teeth. Some people have naturally white teeth. I don't. And that's ok.
😀😀😀😀😀
TAKE CARE OF YOUR SMILE!
...
#selfcare
#rawrecovery
#teeth

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🌞❤️🌞❤️🌞
TOP O' THE MORNIN' TO YA!
I'd like to once again thank every single one of you for all your support and encouragement.
Always.
Recently.
Forever.
This was the scene at 4 a.m. I was still wide awake. I had another dizzying migraine, hopefully sinus related, possibly stress related. I never look at my phone screen or TV screen during an episode, but I seriously had to document this absolute adorableness! Poly and Jim rarely snuggle this closely together!
😻❤️😻❤️😻
After the whole "omg I cannot believe I left my yogurts in the trunk of my car all day fiasco", I went to the store to buy several more replacement yogurts. I thought I'd open one of the original (possibly now gone bad) yogurts in 2 days to smell it to see if it's still good. I came home from the store, got ready for bed, watched the news I had DVR'd, walked into the kitchen, saw my reusable shopping bag on the counter, decided I'd better fold it up and stick it back in my purse (back-pack) before I forgot about it, and wouldn't you know it...?!?...
MY REPLACEMENT YOGURTS WERE STILL IN THE BAG!
Luckily it had only been a couple of hours and they were all still quite cold. I just stood there laughing at my ridiculousness. I mean, seriously. Sometimes you just gotta step back and laugh rather than get upset over these things.
😂😂😂😂😂
I hope everyone has a very mindful Tuesday because goodness knows *this girl* needs to start brushing up on her mindfulness skills starting now!
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#rawrecovery
#mindfulness
#gratitude

MOST RECENT

GET IN MY TUMMY 🤤🍦I used to be terrified of eating ice cream 🍨 I just knew that it’d make me super fat and then what? Well, today I can say that I’m giving my ED a big 🖕🏼 you bc I’m eating all the damn ice cream I please 🤨☺️

So. My MD sent me to the psych emergency department last week and I ended up being involuntary admitted. It was total hell. I was feeling worse at the hospital than I would've done at home. They were planning to give me ECT. I srsly dunno what would have happened to me without bf. And I basically got no help at all, I left with the same meds as before and have no idea if I'll keep seeing my counsellor or not.
.
.
.
.
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#edrecovery#edwarrior#ednos#osfed#healthyeating#healthy#diet#iifym#fitness#weightlifting#strengthtraining#powerlifting#bodybuilding#girlswholift#girlswithmuscles#strongnotskinny#nursingstudent#bipolar#bipolardisorder#anxiety#anxietyrecovery#socialanxiety#depression#depressionrecovery#hypomania#selfharmrecovery#mentalhealth#mentalillness#bodypositive#selflove

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I may start taking these vitamins this week. In May when I got back on my multi-vitamin, it immediately messed up my GI system and I had to stop. I'm nervous about starting these, but I know I'm in a different place physically than I was then. So my fingers are crossed. Also this is the longest I've let my nails get in months. I'd been keeping them very short to keep me from inadvertently ripping my skin open whenever I start compulsively pulling at my excess skin. I've been working extremely hard to prevent any excess skin related freakouts. My thyroid levels were off again, so my dosage was adjusted. My nails have those streaky ridges now, more than usual. I don't know if that's a thyroid issue or what. Hopefully the new dose of meds will help my hair and nails and if I'm brave, I'll start taking these vitamins. They were the only ones at the pharmacy that didn't contain cellulose.
😍❤️😍❤️😍
HAVE A GOOD VIBE DAY YOU GUYS!
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#rawrecovery
#health
#healing

Ugh i'm so fucking disgusting I feel sick. I wasn't supposed to eat any food at all today and thought / told myself i'd limit to only fruit coz it's "safe" or whatever. Instead I come home and there's a chocolate brownie there and my sister's baked an entire loaf of banana bread.. from there it just spiraled. The last photo... i felt so guilty I ended up chewing and spitting the picnic bars and the fruit bar thing. Over 1,000 calories consumed today and totally ruined my fasting routine.
#ednos#binge#bingeeating#brownie#bananabread#pistachio#osfed#ana#food#purging#disgusting

My psych has added a sleeping tablet to my usual night time meds and hoping that it will kick the insomnia in the butt! Fingers crossed it's not the start of another bipolar episode.

#bipolar #bipolardisorder #depression #anxiety #lamotrigine #olanzapine #temazepam #bpd #medication #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth
#prorecovery #osfed #edfighter #ed

Dinner was stir fry veg and mushroom, and silken tofu dressed with soy sauce and sesame oil. 🌱💕 I'm home!

Whether you deal with an eating disorder or another issue related to food (like a digestive condition), the holidays can be difficult. Food is such an integral part of celebration. It’s everywhere, all the time, in massive quantities. Instead of only feeling joyful when we gather around a table full of food, some of us feel sad or overwhelmed as well. Some of us are afraid we’ll get out of control. Some of us may feel jealous. Some of us feel uncomfortable even eating in front of others. Some of us are heartbroken because of the things we can’t eat. And that’s okay. It’s okay to feel however you feel. Don’t judge yourself for struggling. Be gentle with yourself. Love yourself through it. You can do it. You are not alone in this. To every single person who has to work extra hard to get through the holiday, I am sending you an immensity of love. God bless and stay strong! 💗

Banana bread! 🍞🍌 My friend and I baked it. How is everyone doing?
__
Tonight I am going home. For the entire week! I am so excited to be with my family for a while. There will be good food and company! And much to read! I just picked up a few books on statistics for biologists, excited to get crackin' after learning a bit today on how to use R for ecology research projects with my grad student. I am a biologist terrified of statistics (because math😰) but I am suddenly motivated to delve more into the topic. I hope I can come to appreciate math and its beauty on a deeper level because I know it is there, I just need to work my mind to see it. Math and music and waves and God, they are not so different. 📊🎶🌊💜

I see this sign every week at my appointment and it’s always a charming yet in yer face little reminder. Julia Child may be on to something, there 😏🧡🍔

🍷 + (buffalo) 🍔 + 🍟 = a Catalina Island 🌴 dream 🧡🤙🏼

...
This post is about laxative abuse, so possible trigger warning...
RECOVERY FROM LAXATIVE ABUSE IS POSSIBLE!
You have to be patient. You have to trust your body. But most importantly, you have to tell your doctor!
I used to think I was the only one abusing laxatives. But I've come to realize that lax abuse is the dark underbelly of the eating disorder world. It is shockingly common. I know this because in the year that I've openly talked about my own abuse, I've received hundreds of messages about it.
Not several.
Not dozens.
HUNDREDS.
It saddens me. It terrifies me. It pains me. And it frustrates me.
Most doctors, specialists, therapists, and even ED treatment centers have no idea just how widespread this problem is because no one is willing to talk about it! There are no statistics regarding lax abuse. How are doctors supposed to help us heal from this if we keep it a secret?!? There needs to be research done to develop methods of recovery! But it can't happen if we all stay silent!
•if you starve, OD on lax, and all that comes out is bile, blood, and intestines (like me),
•if you binge and then purge using laxatives,
•if you follow your meal plan, but are dependent on lax for daily BMs,
IT DOESN'T MATTER...
LAXATIVES ARE LAXATIVES!
ABUSE IS ABUSE!
BREAKING THE CYCLE OF ABUSE IS HARD, BUT IT IS POSSIBLE AND IT IS SO WORTH IT!
Laxatives can kill you!
I never thought I'd end up in the hospital being told my kidneys had failed and that I needed to get my affairs in order. But that's exactly what happened in February.
I never thought I'd experience so much physical pain from my ED. But I did and sometimes I still do.
I never thought I'd be able to consistently process solid foods, digest them fully, and be pooping regularly and on my own.
JUST LOOK AT ME NOW!
🌈❤️🌈❤️🌈
If you are using laxatives in any form, in any amount, please, I urge you to tell your doctor immediately. Be open, be honest, be completely truthful. Doctors need to know. Research needs to happen. Do it for yourself. Do it for everyone suffering. Do it for future generations.
You deserve recovery.
You deserve happiness.
You deserve life.
.
#rawrecovery
#laxativeabuse
#transformationtuesday

ᗪOᑎT ᖇEᑭOᖇT ᒍᑌᔕT ᗷᒪOᑕK
TᖇEᗩT TᕼIᔕ ᗩᔕ YOᑌᖇ TᖇIGGEᖇ ᗯᗩᖇᑎIᑎG ⚠️ Can't wait until after thanksgiving, I gotta plan to regain control
#anorexia #ana #anamia #bulimia #ednos #osfed #dontreportjustblock
My friend is getting us four lokos. So looks like I'm gonna gain weight ugh
I feel like I ate so much already and I haven't even started drinking fml

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