This just in from the North Pole: NAUGHTY IS NICE THIS YEAR. (Parents of small children, may want to keep this under wraps for awhile...) For those of you used to receiving ugly socks, partially-redeemed gift cards and kitchen sponges under the tree for your questionable behavior, you might be in for a surprise this Christmas. Turns out I recently picked up a rather hefty wholesale account - larger than a bowlful of jelly, to be exact - from a certain Mrs. S. Claus, who commissioned several million lumps of coal, bagged and labeled. But these were no ordinary slabs of cinder! These were sensuously sooty soaps (say THAT three times fast!), made from a not-so-secret recipe of organic shea butter, coconut and olive oils, a ho-ho-ho lotta detoxifying activated charcoal, skin-loving sacred frankincense and myrrh, and finished with the dust of a sugarplum fairy. Mrs. S. said her husband had demanded them completed in advance of Advent (a man accustomed to being elf-employed, clearly), and needed them done as fast as my foaming fingers could fashion them. Off to my workbench I flew with a clatter; my husband didn't move a muscle, glued to House of Cards, as he stopped asking what was the matter ages ago. Days later I emerged from my coal-making, having made the deadline just in the Nick of time, and discovering the true meaning of a "high pressure job." Fortunately, I got to keep a few bags, so if you've got friends, family, neighbors or teachers (good, bad, odiferous or otherwise) who need a great gift, just give me a jingle.