Standing in the same spot where I was at in the service that I received Christ, singing the very same song that God spoke to me through - yesterday was a real emotional whirlwind.
A little more than a month ago, I knelt down in prayer for the first time ever and since then, that prayer has never left my mind: "God, teach me. Even if I'm shaken and snapped from within, teach me how to live for You." It was an easy prayer to make back then with a heart full of burning passion to glorify Him in every step that I take but now? In the numerous moments that I look away from God thinking to myself, "Must I really?", I find it horrendously difficult to say that same prayer. I don't want to be shaken or snapped from within, I don't want to own up to my ugly intentions, I don't want to face obstacles I have never faced over and over again.
Yesterday, I stood before Him with all these burdens stirring within me and the only word that I could find in my heart was, "Why?" and in response, the only word He gave me was "Because". In that one word, I realized, must I really know why? I don't actually, I really don't. I don't really have to know why because He knows and if I place my trust in His perfect knowledge, I don't have to know why. Because. Because He knows full well and He loves perfectly, I can fight each battle, big or small. With this realization, I've come to acknowledge that I can do what I do only because of God and therefore, I will do what I ought to do only for God; and so I made the same prayer again yesterday, half weary, half shaken but with full trust.
It surely isn't within my ability to survive each struggle and grow in faith, only You can make that happen and in the time to come, I want to look back on this season and confidently say that it could have only been You. #onlyGod