i’m not that familiar with sf’s little italy. nevertheless it’s a nice neighborhood full of dreamy victorian houses on the sides and delicate coffee shops at the corners.
we were at the crosswalk of two busy streets when i saw them strutting towards us. it’s always kind of odd for me to react when i see another queer person in the streets. i mean, it’s weird if you just smile to EVERY gay person ever just because you are “in the same community”, right? but like, i want to encourage them. they looked super confident, ok, perhaps a bit cocky as well.
i ended up smiling nervously for just a bit before turning my head back, obviously feeling uncomfortable now. at this point i might as well cross my fingers and hope for them to not notice me.
“closeted ass bitch.” BOOM. there. i heard them whisper behind me as they walked past.
okay you’re not wrong but still oK RUDE.
pressure on my own shoulders always comes from myself. there, i admit i just panicked and fucked it up. i could’ve acted more natural, but there’s no guidelines for someone who’s LGBT+ to act accordingly and the “asian” part of me was definitely just trying to mind my own business without reacting in any way at all.
this scene could’ve played out way more peacefully in cities like LA, but perhaps not SF i guess.
i might seem like i’m dramatizing a slightly uncomfortable experience, but this is something that’s soooo common to all minorities. colored people tend to be afraid to be vocalized in public, queer kids don’t know how to slip in compliments in public—at least this is the case for me for the longest time. these things are internalized, and every time i attempt to do something against those pressure—anything at all—i really do try my best.
i might not be going for that communication degree anymore, but that one class i took was definitely interesting. often we refuse to believe how internalized we are, how the ways we behave really have all been conditioned and modified by societal standards. it’s nice to know, it’s not too nice to not know how to act against these internal pressure.
didn’t know how to end this, how’s about an open conversation as usual? :)