Fuck I did it again. Fuck I promised me not to do this again. I’m falling Paul, I’m falling because I’m loosing myself. I don’t know who I am anymore and I’m not sure I want to know. Because if I knew I’m sure I’d be scared. Scared of me. I thought I needed you to cross all this, to get through all this shit but I was wrong. As always. I’m always fucking wrong. I’m always wondering if I should leave because nobody can help me now. I’m alone in my shit. I wish I could destroy everything around me but I’m just destroying my brain and my mind. And now I’m attacking my body. I wish you were here just... five more minutes, five for minutes to tell you that I’ve never been thankfully like this for anyone. Five more minutes to hold your hand and look at you in your beautiful eyes and just appreciate the silence that surrounds us. Because sometimes silence is better than words. Than those words that you don’t always master. Sometimes I think about all these mistakes I’ve made and I just want to die. Is that cowardly ? Am I a fucking coward Paul ? I’m done.