Well.. sure, full disclosure, why not!
I am in fucking awe of humans who tell their story, raw + unfiltered, for the world. I sit back, read/ watch/ listen/ observe and think “fuck yes. Yes yes yes. Yes.” Here’s the uncomfortableness- that excites me, because my brain is processing that other people are doing it, I can too. I can go “there”. But where I’ve been going is not where I need to be. The words are my truth, an exploration of my thoughts, and an honest sifting through experiences.. but there’s been resistance to the creative process since return of my over seas adventure. I jokingly say”I outwrote my thoughts and I have nothing to say”. But I think the truth is that the things I NEED to explore are breakdown worthy and I know I feel good when I can release them out into the world. But what if the words are too honest, too uncomfortable, too vulnerable? What if the characters in the story lines are sentiment beings who deserve to be free from suffering, to be happy, safe and live with ease? Who am I to narrate truths that expose people who deserve love and compassion the most, because if it wasn’t for their suffering, perhaps they would not have intentionally or unintentionally caused harm to another sentient being? So the answer? There is no answer. But a floating line of “keeping busy”, resisting creating art and feeling friction. I’ve been sitting with the motivation why some creative geniuses have found refuge in pseudonyms, stage names, pen names, masks, alter egos.. masks. How liberating it would be to say what needed to be said in an artistic standpoint, with no cookie trail back to the real world and the real people. Perhaps that’s why some people burn into writing fiction- knowing their truths can be masked into characters and altered to erase any resonance with the real people. I sometimes full circle and think of the quote by Anne Lamott: “You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.” ||Fuck.|| No answers. No “aha”s. Just sitting with the mud until the answer arrives. No mud, no lotus. || #fuck! #radytt18