I have been a little quiet lately as I have been concentrating on training, family and myself. The last 3 days, I have been mentally pushing through eating my meals and feeling like a whale. Yes, I know I am not. (Pic Right: last night) Waking up this morning and preparing my meal before we hit the beach and all I could think about was
1) I am not even hungry yet I need to eat this. "How the hell will I eat this!" (pic left -mince, broccoli, cashews, avo and toast) or last night's dinner sitting there with the plate in front of me and
2) feeling and looking like a whale in a kini.
Somedays it is a battle and having that confrontation with the old person inside my head, is hard yet it has become easier. My mindset has become stronger and the goal I have set myself and NOT wanting to go back to the old me that I once was. The skinny, low self esteem, lack of self confidence and I hate myself me.
The thoughts do go away very quickly and pushing through these and letting myself know how far I have come is an accomplishment. When looking in the mirror, I once was disillusioned by what I saw. Now, Even though I feel pike a whale, I can say I do not look like one. I am enjoying my strong, curvy body. As for food it is fuel, and to grow these muscles. 💪
Even though somedays may be a battle (usually around that PMS time😁), and though I have let go of what was behind me, the ED will always be with me but easier as time goes on.
A few people have asked me recently about food, bodyfat and my ED. I read something last week and it was fucking spot on. In short, remember, you ARE fucking more than your body fat levels and it is okay to put on a little extra weight, yes even bodyfat! Forget the macros and start with enjoying the food again. Stop thinking you are a failure. It messes with your head.
The last 3 weeks, have been an eye opener. The Laws of Attraction, has given me signs and it has been incredible. It has made me feel calmer, less stressed and I guess the start of feeling free.😊