Don't read if you are triggered by eating disorders.
I was recovering anorexia and I started relapsing. Probably bc I started going to gym and I got preoccupied with body image and that shit. I'm so scared I will go back to my old self where I didn't eat for like five days. And I would try to talk to one of my frineds but I can see they are all so done and tired of me (I don't blame them, I can imagine how they feel). And beside that there is my fucking social anxiety and it's only getting worse. I was on a BDay party and I had a small panic attack bc there was lots of people¿ I hate myself bc I can see how fucked up I am and I want to get better. I want to eat and then not feeling like it is the end of the world. The only thing that keeps me going is my mom. If she wasn't here for me I would probably be dead by now.