What will children eat after a 'no deal' Brexit?
With a 'no deal' Brexit ever-emerging on the horizon, we ask disconnected, millionaire Tory, Jacob Rees-Mogg, what will children eat after a 'no deal' Brexit? "Well, with over 65 million people competing for land, food, and resources, on an overcrowded island, the UK will struggle for the first 100 years with self-sufficiency, and will only be able to accommodate and feed an elite few," said a grossly smug, Rees-Mogg. "Rats will be in abundance and so will the pigeon. Children can help their unemployed parents make pigeon nuggets. It's a great source of protein and a source of iron, which is crucial for energy production and a robust immune system when fighting all those nasty diseases we won't have medicines for." "From April to November, there is an abundance of edible fungi available in the UK. Children can learn about those poisonous ones to avoid vomiting, diarrhoea, nausea, falling into a coma, and death," continued Rees-Mogg. "Available for only two months of the year, blackberries are a nutritious treat. A cancer-fighting food full of polyphenols and manganese - vital for brain function - blackberries can be eaten in a variety of ways and preserved as jams." "Another versatile food is the humble stinging nettle. With only 37 calories per 100 grams, nettles are rich in vitamins C, B and K, and are fat-free. Blanch leaves to form a leafy veg and strain the water to make a delicious tea." "Upon the verge of desperation, when I have fled with my family to a tax haven in the tropics, children can eat tree bark to form the basis of their dietary fibre intake." Next week, Iain Duncan Smith tells us how drinking your own urine can be completely innocuous and liberating.
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