Prior to getting clean life was a series of events and reactions, everything felt like a crisis and my response was an intense emotional reaction followed by getting loaded. Getting clean just removes that crutch, and I was still left with my intense emotional reactions and had no coping tools.
First thing was learning that my emotions weren’t going to kill me, that I could feel the intense lows, I didn’t need to chase the highs, and that eventually everything would be okay. The second part was learning to not react when things weren’t going the way I thought they should, and this is forever a work in progress, but today I’m feeling grateful for the progress I have made.
When we moved to Nelson we had a short list of things we needed to accomplish in-order to feel stable, but some of the things on my list just weren’t happening. I repeated to myself every morning that things would happen as they were meant to, and reminded myself to be open to whatever path opened in front of me, instead of trying to control every detail. Seven months later that check-list is complete, which was seven months of turning over control, and allowing my body to heal instead of pushing to finish that list. It has been a process of letting go and having faith, and I think I only cried maybe a dozen times 🤷♀️