~Al and the Dude in Attack of the Cologne!~
[Ed.’s Note: Yesterday’s post ended as Pitbull described how during the portage of the Toyota Corolla, and after drinking 250 3-oz bottles of Warlock’s Mist, the Dude sprouted a third arm from the middle of his back and Al grew four more legs (bringing his current total to eight) ...]
Pitbull continued reading from the prepared statement:
“The Dude said to Al, ‘I think you’re gonna have a super intense leg day, son.’ And Al said to the Dude, ‘Brosepher, you got a freaky bicep workout in your near future.’ They lowered the Toyota to the ground and stared astonished at one another. This wasn’t necessarily unusual itself. Often, at the gym, an entire workout would consist of them gazing at their reflections in the floor to ceiling length mirrors which adorned one of the exercise studios. Outside of classical statuary (or the musculature chapters of Gray’s Anatomy [book and TV show, #natch #McDudey] where else could these Swole Bros observe masculine physical perfection?
But these new appendages were masculine physical mutation. And while definitely badas$, also a little troubling.
Al scurried about the Colombian countryside like a furry tuxedo crab. The Dude performed one-armed pull-ups. And then scratched all those parts of his back he could never reach.”
Pitbull paused and took an eight-hour nap. He realized that he hadn’t slept since he started this briefing. The journalists, poets, dreamers, and chicas also got some shut-eye. When they awoke the next day they had lemon ricotta pancakes with lemon curd and were each served a glass of GC’s special breakfast shake, turmeric included. Once everyone had eaten and made use of the restrooms, Pitbull cleared his throat, thumbed through the prepared statement, found his place and began again:
“Also, Al and the Dude had grown to a height of nearly 100 feet. And they had acquired the ability to shoot laser beams from their eyes—something Oly cat has been trying to attain for nearly six years. Turns out all you need to do is drink a few gallons of Warlock’s Mist, lol.” [Pause for laughter.] “At this point Al and the Dude had become fully mechanized ... [CONT’D TOMORROW!]