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A year ago on this day, I started my breastfeeding journey. To be honest, I don't expect breastfeeding to be such a struggle. My understanding is, I offer my breast, and mavia will suck & fill her tummy with my milk. In my mind, breastfeeding is incredibly natural and beautiful bonding experience between me & her. Breastfeeding is more than just feeding my baby. It's determination, love & patience.
2nd week into my breastfeeding journey, I had blocked ducts. I had a "pro-formula" feeding Confinement Lady, whom when my daughter cry will "pacify" my daughter and tell her that it's such a pity that she gets hungry easily because mummy's milk couldn't satisfy her.
And then, the nipple problem - nipple blister. Followed by fever and masitis the months after. It's a never ending story. One problem after another for about 9 months. I went to lactation consultant after lactation consultant. I spent most of my time googling for hidden secrets on the art of breastfeeding. I could not understand why this wasn’t working for me.
I envy those who can just breastfeed naturally without any pain or suffering. 6 months into breastfeeding, Mavia had her first tooth. She bit the nipple and it bleeds. I dread & struggle to latch her because it's so painful & I can see blood in the milk bottle when I pump at night. It took almost 3 month for the wound to completely heal. I can't wait to end this breastfeeding journey when my girl turns one.
Now that Mavia is ONE, I'm am filled with mixed emotions.
Weaning Mavia off breastfeeding means I can have my boobs back, wear whatever I like (apart from breastfeeding friendly attire) and of coz no more pumping.
BUT I'll miss the moment when she made eye contact with me while latching, as if she's telling me that I'm the most important person in her life, I'll miss that tiny fingers of hers holding mine, touching my neck, tickling my body, I'll miss that sweet sound of her breathing while latching. Gosh! I should be happy that I can start weaning her off but I can't. I just can't. I guess I'm not ready to wean Mavia off yet.