My love is:
That first breath,
When they placed you on my chest and I nuzzled your tiny head.
Those feeding struggles,
Sleeping in 30 minute blocks, I had to try, fail, pump, wash and sterilise and then you were awake again.
All this to give you "the best". The best, it turned out, came in a carton from the supermarket. The best of me, that is.
That first smile. A masterpiece in a 3 bedroom terrace.
The first giggle. A symphony sparking fireworks in my heart.
Oh the joy you bring with that sweet music.
Those first steps. You, the heroic Olympian breaking new ground. Oh, how you made me wait for that.
Sitting up in bed all night so you can sleep easy.
Pretending everything is fine as my mind races to figure out what's wrong, or whether I should call a doctor.
It's watching you sleeping, snoring next to me, knowing this night will be long and treasuring the time anyway.
I drink in every part of you, the tilt of your nose, the curls of your hair and your perfect little hands.
Because they came from me, but they don't belong to me and one day they will let go of me.
And whilst that thought chokes me I push and push for it to, because that is my job; To build your wings so you can fly from me.
My love for you is
When you sing songs just for me.
It's knowing when to hold me and when to put me down.
It's blowing bubbles for me until your head goes dizzy.
It's playing the same game with me until I get bored because you love that I love it.
It's taking me places that make you nervous or worried because you know I'll have fun.
It's those silly dances you do and how you play peekaboo.
How you let me grab your finger and take you where I need you to be .
When you read to me and do different voices.
It's how you always explain things to me even though I can't ask you questions yet, so you're sure I understand.
It's how you clap and tell me I am clever.
It's making decisions that hurt you but are the best for me.
I can't always show you and I won't always remember to tell you how much I love these things. Sometimes all I can do is smile, which doesn't seem like much to a little person, but it always seems like enough to you.