Me. Every weekday. At about 5:15pm. And yes, she always takes my malasada. #Motherhood 🤦🏻♀️ #emihart #myhappinessguide **********
If motherhood was a job on Craigslist, this is what it would say:
WANTED: Mother for three kids. You'll need to wipe butts, clean-up puke, chauffeur, read minds and pretend you remember how to do algebra. There is a magical basket of dirty laundry which you will need to wash all the time. Once you empty it, you'll be astounded at how it magically fills up again the next day. Did we mention there's a matching magical sink of dirty dishes too?
You will yell, A LOT. And sometimes they'll listen, but most of the time they'll pretend they didn't hear you. Especially the little one. They will drive you insane 95.678% of the time, but you'll be too tired to remember anything longer than 5 minutes. Try your best to hold it all together and drive your car into a river. If you have a nervous breakdown in public, just tell everyone you're on your period so everyone will awkwardly refuse to make eye contact. It doesn't matter if you're 15 or 40, no one wants to know that periods actually exist.
PAY: Hugs, kisses and more gross kid diseases than you can count. Handmade cards on holidays and countless items made of tissue, macaroni and clay which are priceless. Tears, so many freaking ridiculous tears, that'll creep up on you at weird times, like during Super Bowl commercials or during episodes of "This Is Us." Suddenly you'll realize all this magical messy misery is slipping away from you with the passing of every day. And your crazy ass is really going to miss it one day.
P.S. They will wipe your butt one day when you are old. Hold onto that thought while you drink your wine.