I am heartsick. Crushed, anxious, and depressed. Our flight did not go well - but not for normal flying-solo-with-a-toddler reasons. Today was one of the days that reminded me we do not have a “normal” life. For those of you who know us in the real world, you know that Bub has a medical condition called Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia. He is adrenally insufficient, which basically means that when there is a physical toll on his body such as a fever, he does not make the necessary hormones to get his immune system to work and he goes into “crisis” - his body essentially shuts down as he dehydrates and passes out. I always carry emergency medication for him for these times. But you want to know the worst time for this to happen? I bet you know where I’m going with this - on a flight at 30,000 feet when you’re still an hour from your destination. Bub is stable and eventually responded well to his stress medication, but it was a very traumatic experience for us both. I made some very real mistakes as a mother, and it will haunt me. In time, I will be able to take this as a learning opportunity (always check the pharmacy filled your meds correctly, and carry more than you’ll ever think you’ll need), but right now, I’m just sick. Sick with fear, with regret, with worry that I’m not cut out to be the caretaker of this oh so precious little one. How do you cope when you fail as a parent? .
I want to thank the flight attendants and crew on @alaskaair who immediately responded when I called for help. I want to thank the ER doctor and the pediatric nurse from @seattlechildrens who were on board and helped me figure out his medications. I want to thank the airport EMT crew who escorted us off the plane. I want to thank the passenger in the row in front of us who carried my bags off, tracked me down, and brought us our car seat and checked bags. The parents of children around us that offered ways to help me soothe my hurting child. In the midst of the lowest lows, there are always bright spots.