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How do you feel like enough when for years you never were? I’m about to get real personal. ~
When I was in 8th grade, I had a crush on this guy who was part of the “popular” group at my school. I wasn’t a nerd but i also wasn’t “popular” and so I honestly never expected him to notice me. Well, he started all of a sudden flirting with me like to the point where it was so over the top I don’t know how I believed him. But he complimented me all the time, and led me to believe there was something there. That went on for the entire year. I find out a couple months into my freshman year of high school that it was all an inside joke with him and his friends. He was making fun of me. Confidence shattered, angry, hurt and upset, I rejected any guy that asked me for my number out of fear of being played again. I eventually met this guy that I was crazy into, and it ended up being a case of unrequited feelings that i dealt with for years before I finally got over him. I THEN started dating a guy my senior year in high school and it was a total mess ahaha we barely ever saw each other because he was in college, but he ended up breaking things off and even though looking back, i didn’t have strong feelings for him, he left me with a super vague and weak explanation and I took it all SO personally. My track record, although minimal, is all disappointment. I’ve always been the one who cares more, and gets left confused and devastated. They’ve led me to be weary of guys in general, and have serious trust issues— because I was blindsided in two of those instances, and promised myself both times that I’d never let myself be vulnerable again. I used to wear my heart on my sleeve, but now I keep it burrowed away and out of sight. ~
I used to think there was something wrong with me, and that’s why I was never loved by anyone (romantically). That was the basis of my eating disorder— I thought I was unloved because of my body. So the first hundred times my current boyfriend told me he loved me, I was hesitant to believe him. Being in a relationship has also brought out a lot of flaws I have that I wasn’t even aware of, and those flaws have left me feeling even less worthy and

First I thought I’m into yoghurt bowls as my #nightsnack but changed that into buns. Today it was a ciabatta, the other half with peanut butter, apple and cinnamon and the other with nutella, banana and bluberries, some strawberries and a cookie dough lohilo because ice cream twice a day won’t hurt you!😏
Today hasn’t happened anything special. After dinner I went running and had so much fun. The feeling after exercising is something to recover for! Hope your thursday has been nice!💕🙌🏻

Lunchin on this great spread of grape juice, olive oil and nutritional yeast popcorn, strawberry coconutmilk yogurt, and an iced coffee with extra soy milk, raspberry syrup, and vanilla syrup 😋🍓🍿🍇 #recovering #veganrecovery #eatittobeatit #recoverywarrior #anorexiarecovery #edsoldier #realrecovery #foodisfuel #eatingdisorderawareness #recoverywin #edrecovery #eatingdisorderrecovery #selflove #plantbased #minniemaud #strength #mealplan #balance #balanced #anawho #dinner #health #orthorexia #fitness #recover #staystrong #recoveryispossible #weightgain

Almuerzo 😱 hoy me han concentido 😍 no me gusta mucho la mojarra frita 🐟 (no me juzguen, nunca me ha gustado, de hecho no me gusta el pescado mucho 🤷) más una taza de arroz 🍚 y ensalada variada con aderezo de limón 🥗.
Nótese lo gigante que era 😱, además me la hicieron guisada con muchos vegetales 💕.
#veggies #fruits #life #free #ican #realrecovery #minniemaud #edfighter #edfighter #ednos #eatingdisorderrecovery #anorexia #recoveryisworthit #edsoldier #eattobeatit

Merienda mañanera es una tortilla de quinoa @bimbocolombia (con queso 🧀 ricotta casero, zanahoria 🥕 y arveja 🌾) + mandarina 🍊.
#veggies #fruits #life #free #ican #realrecovery #minniemaud #edfighter #edfighter #ednos #eatingdisorderrecovery #anorexia #recoveryisworthit #edsoldier #eattobeatit

Buenos días en la tarde 😂.
Solo quería mostrarles un poco de mi alimentación de hoy.
Un par de huevos 🥚🥚 y quinoa cocinada como la avena pero con cocoa 💕 + papaya 😊.
#veggies #fruits #life #free #ican #realrecovery #minniemaud #edfighter #edfighter #ednos #eatingdisorderrecovery #anorexia #recoveryisworthit #edsoldier #eattobeatit

Richtig große Challenge 😍 ich liebe diese ovomaltine Kekse seit ich klein bin so mega aber habt seit meiner ES keinen mehr gegessen weil die so hochkalorisch sind aber endlich wieder😍
Ich gucke jetzt noch GNTM🙇‍♀️😋

This is what freedom looks like.
I love to bake, and I’m really good at it.
For so long, though, I would never allow myself to eat what I baked. I always gave away my baked goods to get them out of my house as quickly as possible so that I wouldn’t binge on them.
And cookie dough? I would make myself sick binging on pinch after pinch after pinch. But I would never pick up a freshly baked cookie and enjoy it. Never.
Today, I made my best chocolate chip cookies. I didn’t feel like having any of the rich cookie dough, so I didn’t.
I don’t want a cookie right at this moment, so I’m not having one right this moment.
But I fully intend to have one with my ice cream this evening.
I know they’re there. I know they’re not off limits.
That, my friends, is food freedom. 🍪

#lunch today 🌝 pizza with some grapeeees 😍🌝 —
Im not sure if I’m gonna watch „gntm“ (Germany’s ne t topmodel) today cause as u know i got the test tmro and Yaa idk yet

The increase is going well today. Recently I started sticking to less processed foods and less inflammatory foods and avoiding anything that didn't fit this rule to help my arthritis and fatigue. Thankfully @nutritionfornaughtypeople reminded me that eating what we crave is so important even if it flouts the rules. I have eaten pretty much only less processed and low imflammatory foods today, so swipe right to see what I craved. Eating healthily is not just eating clean but also eating for the mind which doesn't thrive on restriction.

#edrecovery #anafree #prorecovery #ptsd  #mindfulness #selflove #kindness #happiness #hope #chronicpain #youareenough #intuitiveeating #whatsonmyplate #anxiety #selfimprovement #listentoyourbody #bepresent #liveinthenow #recoverywarrior #recoveryisworthit #fuckdietculture #haes #healthateverysize #intuitiveeating #hdrmrecovery #minniemaud #foodisfuel #nourishnotpunish

I'm not doing very well tbh. Atm I really just hope that the clinic calls as soon as possible and I don't have to go on loosing myself more and more. I physically am at school, though I'm not mentally there and it's not just not paying attention but being in a completely different world. I don't know how life feels anymore but actually I am certain that I can get out of this. There must be a way out
But at the momemt I can just wait and hope, even tho I'm really scared too

👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻Today is a new day. Forget yesterday, there’s nothing you can do about it. You have been given this day to use as you will. You can waste it or use it for good. You can restrict or use this day to save your life: you’re still on time!!!
What you do today is important because you’re exchanging a day of your life for it. No, “recovering tomorrow” doesn’t exist. You either recover everyday or you lose yourself. You didn’t choose to have this disorder, BUT YOU CAN ALWAYS CHOOSE TO FIGHT. If it hurts, if recovery hurts, if it goes against all your thought, if it’s not easy, THEN ITS BECAUSE ITS WORKING. The pain will ease, but you have to keep going.
When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever. In its place, there will be memories you have left forever. Make them memorable. Make them happy. You’re making you’re life, believe it or not. Create one worth living. FIGHT NOW 💗

Haha Leute ich bin so eine hohle nuss ich hab so vergessen mein #lunch zu fotografieren 🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️😂
Naja dann bekommt ihr es halt nicht zu sehen aber es war couscous mit Hähnchen, Curry, Kichererbsen und Schafskäse ☺

tw for recovery kinda on this first blip: my mom thinks that my mood is better today because of magical nourishment but I honestly just feel semi not bad because I threw a pancake behind the table, put artichoke dip down the sink, and poured a milkshake into a ceramic piece while she wasn't looking. I know it's extremely gross to have food everywhere, but when I was at my worst I would shove stir fry into my pockets and wipe cream cheese on my legs. so we've come a long way
here are some pictures that show how lanky and newly squishy I am. My arm is also super ashy?? My doctors appointment this morning went alright. She wants me to gain fifteen pounds but I'm already ten pounds over my previous weight at this height.

#tbt my first pint party!!!
I had it with my mom, we seated in the balcony and started talking about life. She was there with me!!!
I told her that day how I wanted to recover, and how having that pint party would be the first challenge of so many!! and it was!!!
from that day on, I decided I would recover, and not o my because of me, also bc of my mom’s face when we were sitting there, she was proud!!
food is so much more than calories!!! food is happiness, moments and memories!!
don’t waste your entire life only because of food, something so silly!!
FOOD IS ONLY FOOD, nothing else!!!
#anorexia #anorexiarecovery #eatingdisorder #recover #foodporn #recovery #healthylifestyle #anorexiarecover #anorexiafighter #beatana #vegan #minniemaud #fuckana #benandjerrys #dietaflexivel #fitness #flexibledieting #bodypositive #cabenosmacros #fitnessmotivation #coach #gymmotivation #edwarrior #beatana #training #pintparty #nutrition #recoverywin #training #staystrong #govegan

#breakfast 💗
Ich bin jetzt nach der Schule endlich zuhause 💗 habe endlich meine letzte Klausur geschrieben 🙄 war leider nicht so dolle aber naja ich erzähle euch was rauskommt👑
Morgen bekomm ich auch meine Bio Klausur wieder 🙇‍♀️
Was macht ihr heute noch so?💗

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