I forgot a fork for my lunch but morning snack was an apple and I just had baby carrots and almonds for lunch. I'm honestly not feeling helped at all here, I'm just sitting in these groups feeling more and more hopeless, like this isn't helping me and all my mind is wondering is if there's anything to help me? It actually feels impossible that there's something out there that will help me at the moment. Even if I spent 8 hours a day talking one on one to a therapist it wouldn't help because they can't take the feelings I'm consumed by away. This is truly awful and I feel so lost in what to do. Do I keep staying here? Do I go back to NY? Like what do I do. I feel like I don't have many choices because my family has made it clear I need help and all that makes me want to do is ran away. I just want to wake up in the middle of the night and start walking and never stop but I know I'll reach a point of complete hopelessness which will overpower every other emotion and then I'll be nothing. How is someone supposed to keep living like this? I honestly am struggling so much with trying to figure out how to. I feel like everything I'm doing is just a bandaid fix so the people around me see me as fine and I can be left alone to my self destruction but I won't survive and I want to survive, I just need to figure out how to.