My (primary school) class of 2001 t-shirt still fits me.
Not really sure what that says.
It's been a long week of staying up late, getting up early and not eating properly. Sleep deprivation and hunger does not a happy Shelly make.
I had a moment. Really, a split second thing, when I was driving home last night of *almost* missing a corner because my eyes were shutting, and I didn't realise. Driving when I'm that tired, is a really Fucking stupid thing to do. It's just as bad as being drunk.
After that near miss, I scanned the day and realised all I'd had was a small banana, teaspoon of peanut butter and take away soup. And I thought, ah, I'm still functioning (not really). I could do that. This must be how it starts.
Then I heard myself and got really upset that that thought process would even creep in in the first place.
I have worked too hard on myself to let a few days of chaos ruin my amazing body positivity and mental health. But it can and it does.
We are so fragile. Even people as hard as nails like me are probably just barely together below the surface.
But because I have done so much work on myself, I recognise that shit ^^^ straight away. I say, Fuck you Madness! Nobody wants you here. Close the door on your way Out! You fucking fuck!!! When I got home, I had two options; go to bed so hungry I was gone past hunger and wake up sick. Or pull myself together and cop the fuck on and eat something, and not tip toe into a really bad situation.
So I made guacamole salad, and it was really good.
But it just goes to show that our tendencies, our poor coping mechanisms, our addictions, never leave us. They are right there, waiting to jump in when we are vulnerable, no matter how hard we think we are.