I took my first yoga class about 12 years ago. From my very first class I knew I wanted to be a yoga teacher. But I never considered it seriously as a career because I deeply internalized the importance of studying something practical so that I could have a safe career and a safe life. I practiced yoga for all those years as a hobby.
Then about 10 years later. I went to a meditation class taught by one of my close friends, Kait. Right before class I was chatting with her mom who told me that she was about to start yoga teacher training. I was so stunned to hear that someone I know, a peer I could identify with, was doing this thing I desperately wanted but considered to be so impractical. My body had this physical, kicked in the ribs kind of jealousy reaction, which really stunned me. I am someone who usually has a firm hold on my emotions. Then, it got worse, during the middle of meditation class, and I started balling. Like ugly cry, tears everywhere, uncontrollable crying. It felt like 10 years of pushing away this desire for teaching yoga came crashing over me, in wave after wave of emotion, all at once, in front of all my friends (this class was attended by many of our mutual friends). My body was externally displaying my desire that I had pushed away for so long. Forcing me to finally listen.
So I signed up for teacher training. I had no idea if I would be able to actually teach yoga after the training or how this fit into my practical life plan and responsibilities. I am an accountant, a planner, I am practical, this is how I think of myself. The truth is I still don’t really know what I am doing. After training I did end up becoming a (part-time) yoga teacher, but I still have my full-time day job, I still have two small children, and a busy life. However, I’m done ignoring that small voice inside me. The small quiet voice inside of me knew all along I needed more yoga, and the voice had to become a roar before I finally succumbed and listened. I don’t want you to wait 10 years like me, so for a moment get quiet, bring your awareness to your breath, and listen.