Tiffs Thoughts // I just got done with Bella's feed. I heard her moving and then my alarm sounded. I walked to her bassinet, said hello, unzipped her sleeper, checked her gtube site, changed her diaper, then headed downstairs to prepare her food. I heated up her 27cal formula, added the extension to the feeding bag, poured the formula in the bag, primed the tube, closed it and brought it upstairs. From there I pulled the IV pole over to my side of the bed, hung the feed, grabbed Bella, attached her line, and turned on the gravity feed. We snuggle and I hold her upright and make sure the feed isn't going to fast. After it's done, I hold her longer to prevent spits, place her back in her bassinet, move the IV pole, go downstairs and rinse the feeding bag. If needed, I can give her gas drops through the feed or change the gauze. All this being said, my daughter is unique and requires extra special love and attention. I love caring for her, but never in 1,000 years thought I'd be flushing tubes, inserting syringes, changing gauze or (gasp!) changing out her feeding tube button. In addition to this simple tube in her tummy, Bella has a large birth mark called a hemangioma on her scalp. It's a lil scary to look at, but it's completely fine and just helps her stand out a bit more. All this to say, since being home I can feel alone in this new normal. Most moms will never understand a 3 1/2 month nicu stay, a feeding tube, or preemie unique challenges. In the nicu we were among others who were in the same boat. Here in the "real world" were the strange ones. There are some resources for special needs moms but not nearly enough. There are some bloggers addressing pstd from extended nicu stays and traumatic births but not nearly enough. There are moms out there uplifting one another and not judging others but not nearly enough. As I begin to navigate this world as a Momma, I'm drawn to the beauty of diversity. God has created so many humans. Their differences make them unique. And learning to be a mom to a baby with unique needs? Well, we have more in common with the average mom than you'd think. Swipe to see Bella's #gtube gravity feeds, medications drawn up, and more!