A great #myunfilteredlife piece from @laurawhispering. -----------------
Laura, Queen of the Awkward Overshare...
#mentalhealth #mhblogger #myunfilteredlife •
When I was discharged from the hospital back in November, a tiny part of me knew I wasn't ready yet. Nothing had changed. Everything still felt darkly impossible and impossibly dark. I knew it was too soon, but I was so desperate to be out of the hospital environment that I didn't say that to anyone. I was so excited to be free and I shared news of my discharge with everyone! But almost as soon as I got home, things started to go wrong. My tightly wound front unravelled. I was overwhelmed by the transition - floored by it, completely - and I quickly came undone. After only six days, my first follow-up appointment with my doctor led to me being "recalled" back to the ward I had wanted to leave so much. I had failed. I was ashamed - a total screw-up. Trying to explain my readmission to everyone who had celebrated my discharge left me humiliated. I was utterly broken.
Five more months passed (an accumulated 80% of the year spent on the ward) - the first few hard, painful, roller coaster months where the professionals ran out of ideas and I stopped hoping that they'd ever come. We were stuck, all of us, and for a while there I had entirely given up.
But then, towards the tail end of that long five months, an unexpected thing came along. Not a miracle or a cure by any means, but a teeny tiny glimmer of hope that I might be able, eventually, to move on. It gave me a goal; the slightest sense of forward momentum; a reason to keep holding on. I put my head down, focussed on the target and slowly, gradually, gently a corner was turned.
I signed the tenancy on a new flat at the end of March. I was discharged from the hospital on April 28th. This time, I barely told anybody - afraid, like last time, it'd all go badly and I'd end up back again, with egg on my face. But things felt very different this time around. This time, I actually felt ready. I'm confident enough to share that now. 📷: @laurawhispering #mhaw17 #mentalhealthawarenessweek