the writing in italics are actual messages pulled from my personal messages with my friends. recovery is worth it, it takes time but things have to look up eventually.
Edit: thank you so much for 100+ followers! I know it’s a really small amount, but it’s better than nothing. Here’s to 100 more!!

… who I really am.

If you are ready to really get to know me, raw and unfiltered, head over to @dayhanna_acosta and listen to the most recent episode of the #chaseyourfears podcast: Episode 15: Crazy Good - Building a Business While Struggling With Mental Health

Yes, this podcast episode is featuring me. And it’s 100% Marianne. From my lowest lows to my highest highs. It’s my story and my life the way I live and feel it. And it’s full of laughter and joy.

Thank you so much, @dayhanna_acosta and @peternagyjr for this beautiful conversation! For your love and support and for making me feel so much at ease and at home while talking to the both of you.

Are you really ready to get to know me?😉 Follow this link or head over to my bio: https://chaseyourfears.com/crazy-good-building-a-business-while-struggling-with-mental-health/ #ChaseYourFears #mentalhealthawareness .
#followyourcuriosity #savybusinessowners #wearethecreativeeconomy #womanceo #creativeentrepreneur #justsayyes #businessbffs #dontquityourdaydream #bestversionofme #selfdevelopment #courageouswomen #womenempoweringwomen #boldbraveyou #selfdevelopment #mindfulliving #joyisachoice #happinessissimple #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #youdeserveit #creativeminds #learnandgrow #mentalhealthmatters #mentalillnessrecovery #introvertedboss #selfcarematters #soulpreneur #nordiccopperdesign

☁️Okay I had the WEIRDEST dream last night about FP. We drove somewhere and got lost so we went into a gas station/bus stop/bar idk just a place with sketchy people. We asked around for directions and someone asked if she was my mom. She said no and didn’t say anything else. (This happened yesterday in real life when we were out for coffee). I said it was fine and looked at him as was like ‘She’s my therapist.’ And he was like ‘cool’ and walked away (that didn’t happen in real life cause I was sitting outside watching our purses when the barista asked yesterday). Anyways so in my dream I had walked away to the other side of wherever we were. Some sleazy guy was hitting on her (she’d married in real life) and he touched her and like something flipped in my (subconscious) BPD brain. In my dream she had pulled away immediately from him and was about to tear a strip off him (as I know she would in real life. She can totally stand her own ground) but I ran over and grabbed his wrist and caught him off guard and just like sucker punched him and knocked him to the ground and just jumped on top of him and beat the ever loving shit out of him. FP had to pull me off of him and I was just struggling to escape her grasp and screaming that I would fucken make him pay. She told me BPD was in control and that I needed to regulate my emotions and that she was okay. I woke up like so shook and happy it was a dream. But it also made me realize I would do anything for FP. If someone hurt her oh god I would go fucken insane. I know she’s a grown ass woman and can handle things on her own but I just feel so inclined that she’s MINE. Like she’s my FP I need her and I need to protect her in my own special way. I would do anything for her, I would die for her and I will do anything she says to do or asks of me. I know this is all BPD behaviours lol •

I get to see her tomorrow but idk if I should tell her about my dream cause I don’t want her to think this FP/borderline relationship is unhealthy and leave me so maybe I won’t. I only see her once next week and then she’s gone the following week 😩 I’m going to die emotionally guys I’m going to get so depressed and miss her so much 😭

This is so god damn important

I grew up with a friend that had me constantly putting myself second to them and watched that same friendship tear my now best friend apart

Those kinds of people are toxic to your recovery and should be dropped

There’s nothing wrong with putting yourself and your needs before anyone else, you’re worth at least that ♥️🤟🏼

we all have different ways of staying alive. a big one for me is fighting apathy. working against the chemicals in my brain to feel, decide, and pursue. •

for years i found my fight against apathy in self harm.
trying to fight the emptiness in my heart and the pain in my mind, i punished my body. over and over again. i didn’t know it at the time, but my self injurious behavior was contributing to the never-ceasing pain i carried with me wherever i went. the waves of apathy that would hit me absolutely terrified me. i thought i could control it by inflicting pain. i was in too much distress to imagine that i could fight apathy with anything other than harm and the emotions it brought•

i’m starting to learn how to nourish myself (mine, body, and soul) when the waves hit. when the emptiness hits. •

it’s taking what i have, who i am, and using it to celebrate the breath in my lungs & the heart in my chest. sometimes these celebrations feel hollow and empty. but i guess that’s the thing about apathy, it tries to deprive us of feeling any moment. so if feeling alive can be a struggle for you like it can be for me, i encourage you to fight it. dance alone, laugh with & at yourself, and know that sometimes being in the moment can include acknowledging your apathy and joining in celebration anyway. I promise you these moments aren’t as empty as they feel. you aren’t as empty as you feel. & together we will be the hopeful.

Battling anxiety there’s so many times that I don’t realise that I’m not doing this enough until I have a Panic attack. Who would’ve known that breathing is so important? Just taking time out to breathe and calm yourself a few times a day can really make a difference. Whenever you’re feeling choked or overwhelmed just “breathe” . #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth #mentalillness #mentalillnessrecovery #thisismentalhealth #anxiety #depression #bipolar #schizophrenia #mania

Swipe. Not a good time

When was the last time you felt light, free, and joyful?
A week? A month or even years ago? 😧
Some of us live with constant (low grade) anxiety and/or depression - and it’s tough!
If that’s you, that’s ok. I’m here to remind you of what it used to feel like BEFORE all the heavyness and dark feelings creeped over you.
Do you remember that time? Do you remember how old you were and what you used to love doing?
For me it always has been nature time and exploring and learning 🤓.
What was it for you?
I encourage you to bring it back, and to remember that depression and anxiety don’t need to last a lifetime.
You don’t need to fight against your mind and body, let me show you another way to better health and joy!
You are capable of feeling alive again!

Everyone has been wronged in some way. The impact it can have on an individual varies. Heartaches and holding grudges are negative tools for conquering mental illness. These tools can most often contribute to a downward spiral rather than helping us and others to pull us up again. Even you deserve forgiveness when you don’t think you do. #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth #mentalillness #mentalillnessrecovery #thisismentalhealth #anxiety #depression #bipolar #schizophrenia #mania

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