I literally don't know how to cope with life anymore. [Don't read if easily triggered]
Lately I've been having all of this suicidal thoughts and one night I was almost sure I'd kill myself. But I didn't. The only thing that kept me sane was my girlfriend, but everything's too much right now.
I don't have the strength to go to bed and wake up every day.
I don't have the strength to keep fighting my thoughts.
I don't have the strength to keep lying to myself.
I know I'll never be okay, that's fine. I know that this thoughts will always haunt me. It's okay.
But I can't take this anymore.
I'm just so tired of all of this shit.
This is not my suicide note and if you read through it all, I really thank you. I just needed a place to finally express my feelings, because right now I don't have someone in my life that I could talk to.
I don't have friends who are trustworthy, I just have people I hang out with. Probably being alone is my biggest problem.
But I am alone and I'll always be alone. Because no one is there for me at 2AM when I woke up because of a nightmare and the thought of kissing razors is stronger.
This rant has completely no sense, I apologise.
I just needed a safe place...