do you know how I feel? Do you know that I feel so fucking stupid ? I feel so bad for everyone who follows me. I just feel like I’m trying too hard. I truly love Hoseok and I get so jealous when I see other people writing long paragraphs about him because although I love him, I’ll never be able to write something like that. I’m a horrible person at expressing my feelings. What I can say is that Hoseok makes my heart beat like no other. I just feel so much pain knowing that I’ll never feel his warmth. I’ll never see his breathtaking smile up close. I’ll never be able to love him like I want to. And no matter how many days pass, I know I’m waiting for something that isn’t gonna happen. People say “if you really want it, you’ll try your hardest to get it.” I’ve been trying for years and there’s no outcome. I’m just a fan. Nothing but a ridiculous fan. Although I wish I didn’t love him so bad, there’s nothing I can do. I’m stuck in this position of loving and not getting, not getting anything at all. It’s called one-sided love. It’s something that can kill a person slowly, day by day. why do I love him so passionately? I hate myself for it. I keep telling myself that I’ll get over him but every day I wake up, he’s the first thing on my mind. In a huge crowd, I’ll always see him first. In any version of reality, I’d always love him. Every time I talk about him to people, I choke on my words because he makes me feel so many things. It’s like, I can’t put it all into words. At the end of the day, I’ll continue to love him because I can’t choose who I love and I know that if he didn’t exist in my life, everything would be blank, hallow, it’d be sad. to feel your warmth, even if it was just for once, is all I ask.