Whys is so dull and dark this morning😳😒 -
Breakfast today is 30g honey muffs cereal😍 with unsweetened almond milk🥛 along with 2 pieces of 50/50 toast🍞 one topped with strawberry jam🍓 and the other topped with honey🍯 (@leandrasroadtorecovery helped me pick what topping and she sure picked well😍❤️) -
Today I’m going into my university library to FINALLY try and get some essay work done🙈😂 I’m actually ridiculous when it comes to written work especially because after I was told I’m not allowed to dance, my motivation went from 100 to 0 and I have no power at all to do this degree anymore, BUT I’m here for a reason so I will try atleast!😌 -
So whether you saw my story in time last night or not, some of you may know I went to yoga last night🧘‍♀️ I felt AMAZING! I was so relaxed and calm for a change and for the first time in what seems like forever, I actually forgot I had an eating disorder🙈 like everything was completely erased from my life! I walked out feeling like I could have taken on the world🌍 I’m going again tomorrow and keeping on track of it! -
Do you guys think I should tell my ED services that I’m doing yoga? I mean it’s not too strenuous but after they said no dancing and no gym, I don’t know?😳 -
Right, going to start and finish my breakfast, get myself sorted and head over to the library!💻📔🗂 -
Have a lovely day everyone❤️❤️❤️ -
#anorexiarecovery #anorexianervosarecovery #anorexianervosa #anarecovery #recoverywin #recovery #recoveryisworthit #edrecovery #eatingdisorderecovery #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorders #eattobeatit #lunch #beatingana #beatinged #ana #anorexianervosa #beatingeatingdisorders #makedecembersparkle #positivity #prorecovery

Lunch😍 -
Trying a new yogurt with my lunch today😍 it looks amazing and I can’t wait to try it!!! Muller light CHERRY BAKEWELL🍒 if that doesn’t sound amazing, I don’t know what does!🙈 having this with my usual 50/50 bread🍞 with wafer thin chicken🍗 and a laughing cow extra light cheese triangle🧀 -
Had a letter come through the post this morning about my next dietician appointment...next Thursday!😣😳 I’m so scared as I know she wanted me to gain weight, part of me is terrified that I have and the other part knows that I should be gaining! I’m scared🙈😣 -
Just a question...does anyone else sit in the same place/seat at the dining table when they’re eating? Not sure why I do it but I feel so uncomfortable sitting other places🙈 mum wanted me to sit in the front room this morning for breakfast so I did but I took one bite of toast and had to sit back at the table, I felt so weird🙄😖 -
Staying at my university flat tonight as I’m going into the library tomorrow to get my work done, I can’t procrastinate any longer, the deadline is next week😳😳😳 -
Hope you’re all okay❤️ -
#anorexiarecovery #anorexianervosarecovery #anorexianervosa #anarecovery #recoverywin #recovery #recoveryisworthit #edrecovery #eatingdisorderecovery #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorders #eattobeatit #lunch #beatingana #beatinged #ana #anorexianervosa #beatingeatingdisorders #makedecembersparkle #positivity #prorecovery

Lunch👑 -
Lunch today is 3 pieces of kingsmill wholemeal bread🍞 with 3 pieces of thin chicken lunch meat🍗 and an extra light laughing cow cheese triangle🧀 along with a vanilla muller light yogurt😍 -
Had to increase lunch today as I stayed round my friends last night, got up late so missed breakfast and basically left straight away but I didn’t get back home till around an hour ago so I missed morning snack too😣 it’s only increased by an extra slice of bread but better than not adding anything I suppose🤷🏻‍♀️ -
The wholemeal bread by the way has nothing to do with different calories etc, it’s all we had in🙄 -
I really wanted to start this year on a good note but it’s all ready been crappy😓 I really want to try and make this year mine, get rid of anorexia once and for all and get my life back😳😣 but as I said, so far, not so good🙃🙄 -
UPDATE: genuinely don’t know how I’m going to finish this...I know it’s only an extra slice of bread but it’s filling me so much and o still have half to eat😣😫-
We can’t give up, we must fight! Hope you’re all well and had a good start to the new year❤️❤️❤️ -
#anorexiarecovery #anorexianervosarecovery #anorexianervosa #anarecovery #recoverywin #recovery #recoveryisworthit #edrecovery #eatingdisorderecovery #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorders #eattobeatit #lunch #beatingana #beatinged #ana #anorexianervosa #beatingeatingdisorders #makedecembersparkle #positivity

MY FINAL #MAKEDECEMBERSPARKLE CHALLENGE!! Please ignore my make upless grossness and bobble head.
A hot chocolate I made it so decadant. Melted chocolate cashew milk.. cacao.. sugar. Like no swapsies man. Whipped Cream.. a melted marshmellow and choco stars. But thats not all!
I had 4 of thorntons chocolates!
Like my nana pat got me them for christmas.. so I had some..
Pre ED I was never a huge chocolate person.. it was only as my blood sugar became low constantly and I stopped being able to sleep that I craved sweet things. If I ever did choose chocolate before then I preffered dark chocolate. Experiencing new chocolate is awesome!
I feel hella guilty. Like omg. So much indulgance.. I chilled with my mum we watched harry potter. It was chill I mainly got on with my bullet journal. But it was nice. Indulgence is okies. Yesterday my mum and my sister ate cheese cake after their dinner. She just came over had what my mum made without knowing in advance and it was so natural for her. I felt like I was visiting from another planet. In my little controlled and padded room I've created in my mind.. it was so strange.. thats why I try and do my challenges with my family.. my mum wasnt as enthusiastic about it.. so Idk.. maybe she doesnt like doing them with me 😔 she didnt finish hers and I felt really greedy for finishing mine.. I did enjoy it though.. it was really nice !! And I feel a victory! Kinda. Idk.
Its supposed to be my monday baking challenge tomorrow.. but my aunty is away.. my mum isnt so interested I don't think... it felt kinda like it was a chore to her when I asked her. I bet it is shitty though basically having me around as a pointless inconvience all the time.. So I'll probably give it a miss this week.
@pusheen #chocolate #edchallenge #newyear #edwin #anorexia #anorexiarecovery #anxiety #balancednotclean #healthyishappy #balancedeating #healthy #food #edwarrior #edfighter #edfam #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorderrecovery #chocolate #depression #newyear #nightin #realrecovery #fuckanorexia #beatana #nourishnotpunish #mentalhealth #mentalhealthrecovery #caloriesdontmatter #sugar

I thought today. What do I want my 2018 to be like? Do I want to be filled with terror and fear of any predominately date bar? Do I want to be scared of sugar? My answer is NO!! I want my life to filled with laughter and memories. I want to remember the things I've done not the fact that I avoided foods because of x insert stupid excuse x. I'm making the choice not just to live in 2018 but to thrive!!🎉🎉❤💕happy new year everyone!!
P.s I had a nakd berry delight(!!) With @hippeas_snacks cheese flavour puffs and at homesense I found roasted chickpeas which I have been searching for for months!!! Not as crunchy as I would like but... beggars can't be choosers🤷‍♀️🙋‍♀️

Well, my last meal of 2017 was tough as hell 😣 I cried from start to finish 😭 and my god do I feel guilty and fat now, I feel as though I shouldn't have had this, like I've already eaten too much today 😣 but of course my head would make me think like that, of course ana would want me to restrict, but I can't let it win, I have to fight back, so as tough as it was I did just that and I as a matter of fact not onlt did I eat every last bite I also completed my FINAL #makedecembersparkle challenge 🌟 not only did I let my mum plate this all for me (!!) I also had a slice of ChEESeY gArLiC bReAd (!!!)
Just had a cry whilst my family gave me the biggest and loveliest of family hugs ❤ I hate how this illness make me feel so alone all the time, I hate how it makes me isolate myself because I'm not alone, with my family, my friends and all of you I will never be alone, I have love and I have support and it means the world and without it I really wouldn't be where I am today, I wouldn't be going into 2018 as the girl I am right now, so thank you, thank you to my family, my friends and to all of you too because quite literally you have saved me, you've saved me from giving in and you've showed me that there is a reason I am here and there is a reason for me to fight ❤❤❤
#anorexianervosa #bodydismorphicdisorder #anarecovery #iammenotmyed #edrecovery #iamawarrior #kickinganasass #edwarrior #beatana #iamblossoming #iamstrong #healthynotskinny #balancednotclean #strongnotskinny #fitnotfat #nourishmentnotnumbers #bethebiggerbully #foodisfuel #iammorethananumber #iwillbeatthis💪#foodismymedicine #fightananotthetreatment #foodshouldnotbefeared #foodisnourishment  #sparklyunicornsforlife🦄

I'm asking the Universe for helping me to let go of whatever I need to let go of.
I’m ready to be free.

Ready for 2018 🙏

#makedecembersparkle #2018 #lawofattraction #readytoletgo #readytobecompletelyfree

Last Dinner of 2017 🤗
Small sirloin steak (!!) with chilli lovers seasons. Dry fried .. blue.. the best way! 😍
With greens, leeks, broccolli, sprouts.. and some baby corn (!!) And cauliflower mash made with a bit of Parmesan (!!) AND @trufflehunteruk truffle oil.
Omg so much noms 😍😍😍😍 I wish it could of been a super fancy steak dinner but I'm just not ready for that. Working my way there though! Regardless it was super tasty. My stomache really hurts tonight. And my tooth is getting so bad. 😔😔But I'm not letting take away my #makedecembersparkle challenges!! I want to end this year with victories. I've experienced enough defeats!
#food #steak #truffles #healthyishappy #balancedeating #healthy #food #edwarrior #edfighter #edfam #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorderrecovery #caloriesdontmatter #beatana #realrecovery #fuckanorexia #dinner #protein #anorexia #anorexiarecovery #anxiety #balancednotclean #nourishnotpunish #goodfood #mentalhealth #strongnotskinny #recoverywin

Dinner was this amazing spicy bean , cheese and salsa boots wrap 🌯🧀 along with some veg 😍😍 Ngl I’m really struggling with my thoughts today - probably the most since I started recovery! Like in work I just felt so suicidal and low not just because I’ve gained so much weight over the Xmas period etc but because I feel as though I’m not needed in this world- I don’t have any friends and no one would really care if I died 🙃 like before when I was ill I could use restriction to numb the thoughts but now I don’t even have anorexia so what am I? I honestly just don’t know! Feeling a little better now though which is good but body image is so shit 😭 sorry for rambling guys - I just had to get it out in paper!! Hope you all have a wonderful nye ❤️❤️ xx #anorexianervosa #edfamily #makedecembersparkle #edwarriors #edrecovery #eatittobeatit #anorexia #anorexiarecovery

A super messy last dinner for 2017 ☺️ I am so overfull now tho ☹️

LUNCH! 😍😍 stacked toast with grilled courgette, red onion and tomato.
An egg poached to perfection.
With balsamic glaze and chilli lovers seasoning.
And a @thecollectiveuk passion fruit yogurt 😍😍😍guys your yogurts are epic and I now understand why my mum doesnt buy the small pots and bombs through the big pots in one go. I want to try all of them! 😍😍 I am so glad I didnt shit out of this or take the yolk away. Like not today Edwyn poached eggs are epic and this was so satisfying! If I wasnt scared of avacoda this would be covered in it.
#makedecembersparkle 💪💪 it is the last day after all! I have bullet journalling to do. Cleaning and tidying and I feel like I'm just running out of time D:
#yolk #yolkporn #food #toast #delicious #fancytoast #anorexia #anorexiarecovery #anxiety #balancednotclean #healthyishappy #balancedeating #healthy #food #edwarrior #edfighter #edfam #recoverywarrior #nourishnotpunish #goodfood #mentalhealth #realrecovery #fuckanorexia #carbsarelife #protein #strongnotskinny #caloriesdontmatter #lunch #homecooking

Part of lunch 🥗 was this chicken 🍗 egg 🍳 and grain box with beetroot hummus from @bootsuk 😍😍😍 it was amazing and reminded me of a smaller version of the m and s nourish bowls 💪🏻💪🏻👍🏻 xx #anorexianervosa #edfamily #makedecembersparkle

M o r n i n g S n a c k
This is HUGE for me!

A green smoothie bowl made of a frozen banana 🍌, some frozen pineapple 🍍, a few frozen berries 🍓and spinach 🍃. WITH PEANUT BUTTER ON TOP!! •
Peanut butter 🥜 was one of my #makedecembersparkle challenges but I was putting off doing it because it's a massive fear food for me😰. •
But inspired by @x_katie_rose_x I gave it a go!! 👊🏻• I used to have peanut butter on my toast 🍞every day, I loved it so much I would eat it from the jar with a spoon 🥄!! My whole family looovvee peanut butter too, hence the ginormous jar!😂
But I realised I haven't had any in over a year?! •
And I wasn't going to end 2017 without tasting good ol' PB now was I?
I can appreciate this was a really tiny amount, but it's a start and I had it EXTRA to my meal plan. It might be a while before I'm eating it from the jar again but I'm actually super proud of myself right now and I know that it's full of all the nutrients and healthy fats my body needs!

Oh and I'm #teamcrunchy all the way btw! xx

#anarecovery #anorexiarecovery #anorexia #edrecovery #eatingdisorderrecovery #edfight #edfighter #edwarrior #edsoldier #prorecovery #recoveryispossible #recoveryisworthit #edfam #edcommunity #nourishingfood #nourishnotpunish #fuelmybody #wholefoods #plantbased #peanutbutter #greensmoothie

Breakfast💫 -
Breakfast today is 30g honey monster puffs😍 with unsweetened almond milk🥛 along with two pieces of 50/50 toast🍞 one with strawberry jam🍓 and the other with butter(!!) and orange marmalade🍊 -
Butter is becoming a fear again, so I’m tackling it on a piece of toast this morning🤷🏻‍♀️ had to have breakfast an hour late today because I didn’t get up around 40 minutes ago and when I got downstairs, my step dad was making breakfast for my brothers and sister and I can’t make my own when people are around😭 get so anxious😟 -
I need your advice guys! I’m going round my best friends today, around lunch time...I’m going to pack myself a sandwich for on the way and I’ll eat it in the car as it takes me an hour to get there! BUT what the hell do I do regarding dinner tonight and breakfast in the morning?!😣 I don’t want to be the freak that takes her own cereal etc but I know I won’t eat what her parents have in😖 they know about my ED but still, it’s awkward isn’t it😳😓 she’s said I don’t have to eat if I don’t want to because she knows I’ll panic with what’s on offer so Ana is seeing this as a perfect opportunity to restrict😳😣I just want to be normal😭😭😭😭 -
Have a few bits to do before I leave so I won’t be stopping this morning😴😴😴 so tired aswell, I just want to have a good time but this ED is just getting the better of me lately😫😠 -
I will be Ana free! 2018, will be the year I shake off atleast some of her shit!!!!😡😱💫 -
Have a good day lovelies❤️ -
#anorexiarecovery #anorexianervosarecovery #anorexianervosa #anarecovery #recoverywin #recovery #recoveryisworthit #edrecovery #eatingdisorderecovery #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorders #eattobeatit #lunch #beatingana #beatinged #ana #anorexianervosa #beatingeatingdisorders #makedecembersparkle #positivity

HAPPY NYE ALL!!!! Thank you so much for all your lovely comments last night; I did it & I had a really lovely, hilarious night :) we left at like 9:45 tho cos my bro and I are still both clogged up and Ill 😂 and I’m STILL TIRED!!!! But anyway, it just goes to show how important it is to try and be social!!!! I’m actually on a roll cos tonight I’m going out to another friends night for a cosy night in with just 3 other friends + my brother!!! Such a contrast to last year where I was at a house party that was wild & I didn’t enjoy & my brother drank too much and I kid u not was just sat in the bathroom crying st 3 am AFTER I had to go and drive my friends all over the show cos they were locked out!!!! So I’m kinda looking forward to tonight hahah. Anyway this was my bfast this morning aka my Fave coz I LOVE apples 🍎 have a lovely day beauts xxxx

Breakfast! 🎊🎉 I finally did it! Warm wheetabix!
With @wholeearthfoods 3 nut butter - peanut, pecan, walnut (!!) @alpro Cashew milk, mini banana and dried figs.
#makedecembersparkle is almost over and I want to end it on a possitive.
Walnut actually terrifies me its been years since I had then.. but I know they are super good for you! Lots of healthy fats essential for brain function. I need all the help I can get rn when it comes to brain function. This nut butter.. im not going to lie. Was amazing! And its super melty.
Dried figs are delicious and warm wheetabix is pretty good! Needed for this cold morning.. but idk maybe I do preffere it cold 🤔
Guilt is real. But I have more than that to think about rn.
#breakfast #breakfastbowl #peanutbutter #nutbutter #healthyishappy #balancedeating #healthy #food #edwarrior #edfighter #edfam #eatingdisorder #anorexiarecovery #anxiety #anorexia #nourishnotpunish #eatingdisorderrecovery
#strongnotskinny #fuckanorexia #beatana #realrecovery #caloriesdontmatter #mentalhealth
#goodfood #delicious #recoverywin

New years eve 🎊🎉🎊🎉 Unicorn vibes. Didnt workout this morning. Challenges for later.. Things to do. Things to plan. Today is mine and not my disorders.. I don't know how feel about about it yet.. I don't why I cant get shske this level of self loathing and suicidal plans and thoughts. But maybe 2018 will be the year I can piece my self together and not just pretend while I drag my self to my death.
#makeup #makedecembersparkle #unicorn #goodvibes #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorderrecovery #edwarrior #edfighter #edfam #anorexia #anorexiarecovery #anxiety #balancednotclean #healthyishappy #balancedeating #healthy #food #edwarrior #edfighter #fuckanorexia #beatana #realrecovery #strongnotskinny #healthy #glasses #nerd #piercings #2018

Pushed through the guilty thoughts from dinner and had a yummy @phdnutritionuk salted caramel #proteinbar for night snack 😍😍 keep fighting guys and face those fears 💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻 xx #anorexianervosa #edfamily #makedecembersparkle

Challenge after challenge after Challenge! I am on a roll!!! So tonight I made banana milkshakes for my family as my gran always asks everytime I am home to make her one but right now as much as I would love to join in and have one I am not there yet so I challenged myself in a different way and had custard for night snack in replacement of my fortisip!
#makedecembersparkle #challengeyourself #feelthefearanddoit anyway #pushtheboundaries #stepoutsideyourcomfortzone #anorexia #beatana #recoverywarrior #beatanorexia #ed #eattolive #anorexiasucks #beatana #anorexiarecovery #anorexia #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorderrecovery #prorecovery #roadtorecovery #eatittobeatit #nourishtoflourish #strongnotskinny #recovery #weightgainiscool

Tonight’s snack is this brownie (vegan ofc) I made. I’m going to a “cake off” with some friends that I always took part in and although never found them easy I didn’t say no to going. But I said no last year. This year I’m not + I’m actually bringing something with me so that they can have some too 😌 except my bro cos he’s allergic to peanuts and well this has a ton of pb in cos it’s not sophie’s without it right!! Anyway, I have no clue of the cals/macros/blah blah in this and the sizes aren’t equal coz I used a weird tin to cook them in so I’m just gonna have to try and silence my mind and get on with it. Because brownies won’t hurt me, chocolate and pb are never a fail and are prob my two fave things. I hope I can cheer myself up as I feel a bit down & like crying right now but still gonna go to this event tonight :) I got this dudes xx

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