6 years ago, I was rushed to the hospital with an excruciating pain in my stomach. I could barely stand up straight. I had no idea the outcome of what then would follow. I was told that I had suffered a perforated peptic ulcer and needed to undergo surgery immediately. With my family out of the state, I looked at my moms friend who took me to the hospital and had never been so scared in my life. --
My parents, hysterical did everything they could to get to Boston immediately. Later, I would find out that my mom was going to 1) drive from Florida to Boston all in one trip or 2) hire a private plane. Luckily there was a flight out and they got back as I was waking from my surgery. .
I am 32 years old, and in that moment, hospital gown on, jewelry off, pale, shaking, crying, I have never been so scared in my entire life. The last thing I remember doing was telling them that I had clients the next day and then...I was out. .
I woke up, disoriented and found my brother, sister in law and balloons by my bedside. Shortly after, my parents arrived. I looked down. I was stitched up, hooked up, could barely move and all I thought was "how did I get here" .
After a week, I went home and began the recovery process. I obviously couldnt' work right away and this gave me a lot of time to reflect on my life, my health and to get rid of the blame that I had on myself for why this happened. I couldn't help but blame myself for not treating my body right. (even though, the doctors explained that this was a freak thing and it was in NO way my fault).
I was in the midst of competing and photoshoots and at the budding edge of my fitness career. My body was MY LIFE. I needed it to be in tip top shape. I wanted to be a positive role model, someone who treated their body with respect and patience and now? I had a scar.
What would people say?
Would they want to train with me?
Would they see me as damaged?
Now, I can see that these questions are ridiculous, but at the time this is all that I thought. I would never be able to compete again (I still did two shows post surgery) I would never be able to do photoshoots (I have done 4+ shoots post surgery) *CONTINUED IN COMMENTS*