This is someone with PTSD and I struggle daily. Serval events, in my life, contribute to my Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Some events happen as a child, and I chose to ignore them until recently. The most recent event happen in 2015 and it threw me back 10 steps. It still feels like it happen yesterday. So here I am, having a traumatic flashback. In this blurry picture, I just got out of the shower. As I was getting dressed, it happen. I took this photo to show what happens when I know no one is around. Many of my flashbacks happen at work and I have to conceal it.
Not to mention the nightmares. It’s become common for me to be emotionally numb and make any attempt to avoid social gatherings, people and certain places. I have difficulty concentrating and the lack of focus is becoming a problem.
I live in fear and shame. I have become estranged from many of my family and friends. I make any excuse to not be with them because I'm still blaming myself for the attack (click link in bio regarding the attack) The ability to experience positive emotions is a challenge.
I used to turn to alcohol, or anything fried, for my troubles - but I realized that wouldn’t help. Now, I seclude myself to my room. I don’t go outside unless I have to. I’m tired all the time. All. The. Time.
And as I said in 2015 (in a previous post), no one wants to hear (or talk) about the “depressing” experiences. We just smile and take picture.
So while so many want the details of my “diet”, the details of my “routine” or, just to ask if I’m aware of the constant 5 o’clock shadow on my face - I’m dealing with some real shit. Things I can't get rid of or have no time to fix because the rent is due and bills are waiting.
Many have sent me letters sharing their experience on assault and dealing with their various mental illness, and I know I’m not the only one out here trying to hold it all together. That’s what I’m trying to do, daily. Hold. It. Together. Some things can’t be cured overnight. I just wish I had more time. I wish I had more time.
#PTSD #lovethyself365 #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness