This past week has been crazy. Actually, let's be real. The past couple months of my life have been the most insane rollercoaster. It's been a process of constant purging emotions and God stepping in to redeem my past. He's placed incredible people around me as tangible reflections of Him and every day I feel so blessed to be alive and live the life I live.
Lately I haven't been giving my emotions time to express themselves because I was fearful of what that process would look like. I knew that with everything that's going on, if I merely put my toe into this whirlpool, I would be sucked under and drown in my pain and confusion. For once, I was fearful of the mess and chaos.
Today, I decided to go to Panda Express (insert vomit emoji here) because God told me He was going to give me a little love note through the fortune cookie. (Side note: No I'm not hyper-spiritual and yes, I believe God can use anything He wants to to speak to us, including processed, mundane, fortune cookies.) I ordered through the drive thru and went to eat lunch at my office. I walked in, set everything down and immediately opened my fortune. It read: "You are exactly where you're supposed to be." Annnnnnnnd I lost it. Hunched over with my hand over my aching heart and wept. And in that moment..... every doubt, every fear, every negative circumstance, every ounce of pain I have felt in these past months seemed worth it..
I'm not "there" yet.... wherever society thinks "there" is, I'm far from it. I need help constantly to see blind spots in my life. I don't have it all together but I'm trying my best. And I think there's incredible grace beyond measure for those who say "yes" to Him even when they're not sure what that fully means.. So, here is my best "yes" God... I never thought it would look like this, but I'm glad You're with me through it all. Also... I'm glad You love the way my mascara perfectly runs down my face, like the most beautiful, disaster masterpiece You ever created. #thisisamazinggrace #fortunecookieshadmelike #theprocess #lovelookslikesomething