"You are not broken, but you deserve healing." - I AM POWER Retreat
I'm a crier.
Which probably makes you feel one of two ways: "yes, human being, crying is a normal emotional reaction to the experience of being human," or "no. That's not what we are doing here." For most of my teens and adult life, I fell into the second camp. No way no how would "they" see me cry.
In fact, I furiously fought to deny my tears so frequently that they fought back to bubble up with ferocity at the most inconvenient times, usually paired with an equally taboo emotion for me to admit my experience of: rage.
In short, I was a hot mess. Pushed to the limit of what I was comfortable feeling, trying my best to shut it down and failing miserably.
A confusing and horribly inconvenient thing to navigate for whoever bore witness. And so humiliating for me, this recurring piece in my story of shame. Why couldn't I just keep it together? Why did it keep happening?
My first inclination, whether natured or nurtured, is to apologize for the tears. Even now, years after I decided to stop apologizing for them, the sorry still lives on my tongue.
The apologies don't get air time anymore though.
The tears do.
Because crying is a normal emotional reaction to the experience of being human, and apologizing for being human is not necessary.
And vulnerability is not weakness.
Deciding to move toward feeling things deeper is scary but it's the only way to truly walk through the pain. Through is the path to out. I can feel it.
Human beings cry for a multitude of reasons, but the tears are nearly always healing. Cleansing. Freeing.
And yes, powerful.
So cry on, warrior. #wedorecover