So many feelings in my skin right now. Even just a year ago I wouldn't have been able to hold them all at once. Did you know joy and excitement have an almost unbearable intensity? I think most people don't like them in too large of doses, they start to feel like anxiety, or even trigger anxious joy-balloon-popping thoughts (phrases like 'don't get your hopes up' were invented, I imagine, for this very reason...to help people stay grounded and balanced and not get lost in pools of joy or enthusiasm). But here I am feeling all the joy from so many things connecting, working harder than ever to 'make' them happen, collaborating, releasing, experimenting, dreaming out loud. And I don't know. It feels risky and weird and full of as much possibility for doubt/fear/negativity as it is for joy, but I'm trying to learn that these emotions breed each other and they're from the same coin and saying YES to things or to life in general is just intense as heck, 'good' and 'bad', and it gives me compassion for all the times I shut things down a bit and kept my world smaller. Cuz good or bad (er, fun or challenging?) I definitely feel more intense all the time now. I think that's okay, um it's just...intense. .
#notprofound #justtalking #whatever #sometimesithelps #tosharebeyondmyjournal #lifey #stuff #thistreetho #bye