"You are going to be happy," said life, but first I'm going to make you strong." --When I say I've been in one of the TOUGHEST seasons of my life 😳😢. I looked happy in this pic, but honestly I was on the verge of a mental breakdown (not the type that we say when we had a bad day at work or over a break up) which came in the following days. It's a huge reason why I've been in and out of social media and not answering your messages. Sorry. I couldn't muster the words to encourage anyone as that's my main goal on my social platforms. But a few months ago, someone said something to me that would not let my heart rest all summer. She said that sometimes God needs us to share through tough times instead of retreating to our hideaways and staying silent. Sharing through the darkest times is how we truly make an impact. And so, here I am right now.
Between my mental health, physical health, and spiritual health I lost all strength and couldn't be there for anyone, not even myself. Life caught up to me. I couldn't take people telling me my life was "goals" or that people looked up to me without knowing what I was going through, my past, and how I arrived to where I am today. It all came at a price. One that I am now actively working through and not pretending I'm okay anymore. I've had a lot of things happened to me, my family, and around me. I have seen a lot of bad things that I wish never happened and I could erase it from my memory. I've experienced trauma after trauma in my life going undiagnosed and thinking I could "pray it away", but that's not how trauma/brain works. There are therapists for a reason. God has gifted these people with talents so that we may see them and use them. I was walking around barely breathing for several months. It was becoming harder and harder to hide. Making the decision to seek counseling was the best thing I ever did. I can breathe again and deal with the challenges life may bring (because they will come) without having a breakdown. Had I not received counseling when I did, I don't know how I would've received the news of what was going on in my brain and body when my medical reports came back (read more in the comments 😅)