Being a parent is hard, and I struggle so much to be Philippe’s dad. I don’t have a lot of patience, a short fuse, and I always want things in order and done a certain way. However, that’s not how he sees the world, and my struggles don’t even compare to what he has to go through. Philippe was diagnosed with autism and epilepsy a while ago when he was still just a baby. My heart is usually broken when I see other kids his age do the things that kids his age do, ride a bike, watch the newest Marvel movie with their dad... talk... have friends. Today I looked at this photo taken by my great friend and amazing photographer, Lyman (@lymanwinn); and as I was looking at the photo, those thoughts felt a bit selfish. Why? Because i kept thinking about how hard it is for me to miss these things and not how hard it is for him to not be able to talk and tell others how he feels, what he likes, where he’d like to go, why he loves something. I didn’t think how hard it is for him to be woken up by his body freaking out and him not having control over it because he’s having a seizure, or the pain that might come with it.
I’m sure you’ve heard the song “You raise me up”, I’ve always thought of him when listening to it, but tonight while driving home I thought of it in a different way. I realized I need to be the one to raise him up, when troubles come, when his heart is burdened, I need to be the one that goes and sits a while with him. So that he can be strong and stand on mountains, to walk on stormy seas, so that he can feel strong when he is on my shoulders and be as much as he can be.
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