No matter how often I preach self love, there are still days when I throw all my worth on the table for every random stranger to dictate, trying to find someone else to convince me that I'm allowed love. Feeding defensiveness, bitterness, and comparison. When we let those thoughts from old ways of being out to drive the car, they run over every flower we meticulously planted in love. I used to get so frustrated for days after a rough moment, feeding those thoughts further by beating myself up for not being resilient enough. But, today I wake up and choose love. Seeing everything that isn't love as a call for love. Knowing as John of the Cross said, where there is not love, put love and there will be love. So I put love on the places I still find hard to gaze at. I put love over the words I wish I hadn't said. I pour love into the darkest crevices of my heart. I paint my bullshit with love, because I don't have the answers, but I know what's next always. Just one step, and a deep breath. Then, one more step, and another deep breath. With that first step, my shoulders drop. With the second, the area around my heart turns to honey. A few steps later, I start running, my heart beating loudly in relief because it knows I am awake and, once again, I am finding my way back home.