"I hope that one day your human body is not a jail cell, instead it's a 2pm sunny garden with daisies thriving because of self love"
I heard you loud and clear. Every time you told me I was beautiful. And Every time you spoke the words "you need to eat more" I remember feeling frustrated because I felt so useless, I began to think that my body being this thin was normal, even I myself new my lie was just a lie. But yet I began to believe it. The mind can be a dark and scary place if not exercised, every day I stood in the mirror practicing self love, each day it was hard to accept the girl I saw. It was easy when I wasn't looking at myself to say "hey you're beautiful"
This beauty pageant (Jan/feb 2015) was my tipping point. The point where my blood began to boil. The point where I thought to myself "right. Stop pitying yourself and start doing." I could barely look at the photos. While I look like im having the time of my life (because I was I mean national finals ? Hello?! Who wouldn't be happy) I just look sick. I then went on to do a personal training course, to which I started for my own benefit I needed to understand the place I was so afraid of (THE GYM) I thank my teacher everyday for the support and knowledge that they have given me, It became a competition for myself me being the only competitor to see how heavy I could leg press, how many reps of a weighted exercise I could get through and I even fell in love with boxing 😂👏🏻 I didn't even know how to squat properly before then besides the cute little Asian squat my mum and I would do when sitting outside 😂❤️ I began to notice what my friends were eating how often they were eating, I'd feel embarrassed if I too wasn't eating as much. Fast forward to now, I've been with the most motivational person for a while who keeps telling me my new found curve are beautiful, who's not afraid to tell me that I'm being ridiculous with my food. I go to the gym regularly and if i don't go as often as I want to I hit the gym hard, I'll work out at home. I eat 3 meals a day, not just the one big meal and the little snacks of crap I used to eat. I'm so fucking proud of me. Goodbye old me. Hello 2017 me.