So this is what my last 24 hours have been like.. Have you ever cut yourself and let it heal and then once you think it’s safe and healed, you split it back open again?? That’s what the past 24 hours have been like, how painful it is.
The story is that last night was exactly 3 weeks since my confirmed miscarriage.. following my specialists timeline.. I should have started growing an egg and should try to conceive naturally.. so of course I took a pregnancy test to make sure the hormones were all gone and my HcG was back to 0... yeah.... nah! The brightest positive I have ever seen!! WTF indeed!
So I rang the clinic first thing this morning and they did a blood test.. turns out my HcG is not 0, more like 218!! WTF!!! So basically while my body was aborting my only child, it backtracked and decided to hold onto it for a little longer!! I feel so wasted, time wasted, energy wasted, what’s the point? Why even bother trying? We are now potentially looking at a total of 11 weeks before we can transfer again, ELEVEN!! Still that’s including the past three weeks but still, I’m defeated, destroyed... I don’t even want to try anymore. Every time I build myself up, I get thrown down the flight of stairs again.. how much more can one person take? Is there any end to this madness!! I’m getting answers on Monday, I’m taking no prisoners.
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