#itsoktotalkaboutit

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Sometime at the end of this month marks the time you would have been due...I feel sad that I didn't even have a due date 😞 I think of you often and what could have been.
This whole thing has been on my mind a lot the last few weeks, I wasn't sure how I would feel once August hit..I have wanted to write a blog post about pregnancy after a miscarriage but I just haven't been able to bring myself to write it.writing this right now is hard enough.
It feels strange.
Pregnancy is supposed to be a magical joyous time but this time around I honestly feel like Iv been robbed of all of that. Instead all of the innocence and magical feelings have been replaced with fear, anxiety and guilt.
Im not going to lie- Iv felt a bit disconnected from this pregnancy (it is a heck of alot better now but it was especially bad at the beginning!!!) in fear of it happening again but also because I was grieving for the little one we lost!
It's a strange feeling- knowing he/she would have been here sometime at the end of this month...I feel sad...but then I feel guilty for feeling sad because I should be happy that this little lady growing inside of me now is healthy and happy and isn't far too away now but then I feel guilty again for feeling happy about that when it is so close to the due date of the little one we lost!!!...I don't quite know how to describe what I mean but I really hope that made sense! Most of all I feel such an incredible amount of guilt for being so happy that we are having a girl because in a way I feel like I'm betraying the baby we lost because the reality is she wouldn't exist if it wasn't for the miscarriage. obviously she doesn't replace the baby we lost either and nor will she make me forget but I just feel really confused about how I should be feeling right now it's a really bizarre feeling!! All I know is that I'll forever carry you in my heart little one and forever think of you and even tho I never got to carry you inside of me for long or hold you in my arms I'll forever love you ❤️💓❤️ #pregnancyafterloss #miscarriageawareness #itsoktotalkaboutit

Great birthday with good friends watching Supercross:) thanks for all the birthday wishes I really appreciate them all and thanks for all the love on my last post just trying to be better everyday and work on understanding my depression and help others get through theirs:) #StayStrong #ItsOkToTalkAboutIt #Birthday #SanDiego #SuperCross

It's never too early to love yourself. I remember being the age of those young ladies wanting to end it all at any moment. You have to catch them while you can. 💕 #TheArtOfTransparency #BlackMentalHealthMatters #ItsOkToTalkAboutIt #ThingsIDontPostOnTheGram

Representing all my babies today. Three blue eggs for Carson, Cash, and Lane. One white egg for my baby who didn't get to make it. #miscarriage #youneverforget #itsoktotalkaboutit

Thank you to @chipotlemexicangrill here in Corvallis for hosting a fundraiser for @dsp_run. Raising money to battle the stigma around suicide, mental illness and mental health. Using running as a way to make talking about these tough topics better, more socially acceptable. Some of the Oregon DSP team (Andrew Miller, Betsy Hartley and Spencer Newell) gathered for lunch. Money raised today goes directly to the Defeat The Stigma project. #runningforacause #defeatthestigma #novoveritas #honestchange #itsoktotalkaboutit

RIP Adam Grassie. I will never forget what you did for me and the brilliant, hilarious memories. I hope you are at peace ❤️ love you always.
#itsoktotalk #itsokaytotalk #itsokaynottobeokay #itsoktotalkaboutit

Last nights wait staff for the #riseup Celebrity Charity Gala ❤👏 #squad💯 #crew #ateam
A massive thankyou to @astitchintime_au and @greghire for allowing me to be a part of a cause very close to my heart #mentalhealthmatters
This was hands down the best event I have attended to date; I had so much fun, met this group of inspirational people and I cannot wait to do more for this charity! Put this event on your calendar for next year everyone, you will not regret it! 👌
📸@sportsimageryau
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#mentalhealth #stopthestigma #itaintweaktospeak #sharingscaring #reachout #seekhelp #support #resilience #suicideprevention #motivate #inspire #depression #anxiety #helpothers #itsoktotalkaboutit #itsoktonotbeok #perthonalities #perth #volunteer #charity #donate

@pink4everinc @gapcastleton While you are shopping @gapcastleton , sign up to volunteer or for a mammogram with @pink4everinc #itsoktotalkaboutit #doyou #bridgethegap #gotbody #pink4ever

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Let's Talk about! ✨🎁✨ Book your intimate Luxury experience ✨🎁✨ #femininebliss #explorethepossibilities #understandyourneeds #itsoktotalkaboutit

Teach love in every action, in every reaction. Hate cannot defeat hate. Learn love.

Thank you for the reminder Obama.
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#nelsonmandela #obamasresponse #learnlove #equality #equalrights #kindness #itsoktotalkaboutit

My work station for today. Last night was one of the roughest nights I've had in a long time. Not sure what triggered it but grief is so hard to predict. So I'm glad I have a new distraction. Been assigned to a new project for a non-profit I volunteer for. Designing still born announcements. When a child is born parents send out baby announcements to let people know that their child is here. But what do you do if your child was born still? For these parents they have a choice as to how they would like others to know that their child was born but no longer here. I never thought about sending these out when I lost both my boys. Maybe the pain was too much to handle, maybe because we never announced that we were pregnant with Emmett in the first place. Or maybe I was scared to offend people by speaking about a subject that people tend to avoid. I'm hoping that these announcements will give those parents strength and courage. Because although our children were born still, they were still born. #stillborn #angelbaby #helpothers #threelittlebirds #itsoktotalkaboutit #stillbirthannouncement #whenwillthepaingoaway

ITalkSex..Thank you Sarah Beilfuss for joining me this morning and opening up the much needed conversation about #femalesexuality with your campaign #italksex #itsoktotalkaboutit . Listen again at Facebook HealthyWandsworthwithNicolette

24hrs ago I was struggling with such depression.. I don't like admitting out in the universe about some things that I just wish weren't true for me.. but I wanted to thank you all who love me so much to accept me as family and my best of friends I talk to often. I appreciate all who helped me through this dark moment.
#godblessyou#friends#family#pizza#suicideprevention#help#depression#mentalillness#temporary#pain#love#itsoktotalkaboutit#itsoktocry#letitout#empathy#imnotperfect#imhuman#hugs#life#livelaughlove#makelovenotwar#thankyou#babysteps#courage#insight#epiphany#keepmovingon#imokay

The past few weeks have taught me many things: perseverance, humility, resiliency, and strength; but most importantly they have taught me that there is a conversation that so often goes unspoken. Nine weeks and three days ago, we became pregnant; however, two weeks ago we began the process of losing the baby. Ultimately, I was taken to the hospital this past weekend and rushed into surgery to stop the excessive bleeding that started Saturday morning as a result of incomplete passage. Given even this, I would do it all again in a heartbeat.
In light of experiencing this loss for the second time, I am reminded that there is such an uncomfortableness in our culture to speak on this topic. People don't even announce they are pregnant until they get out of the first trimester "just in case". Why do we do this? Why do we feel the need to rejoice or, contrarily, suffer in silence during one of the most critical times support is needed? So often resources of information about what signs to look if something is wrong are lacking. I called early last week with a sign that something was wrong and told, "it's no big deal..." Could my experience in surgery have been avoided with more attentive care?

As we have been going through this process, I ran into people saying that they did not know what to say to me. From my personal experience, everyone's concern landed with me and found a place into my heart. Thank you. Some things served more than others and I want to shed light on how we can language this conversation to best support those who may also be going through a traumatic experience related to pregnancy.

1) "How are you feeling?" This came up often and every time I wanted to reply - I just lost a baby and all the possibility that comes with a baby, I feel like shit! An option that may have landed better - "WHAT are you feeling today?" It's such a slight difference but allows so much more room for expanding. (Finished in comments ⤵️)

When talking about suicide it's always important to make sure people know where they can turn to for help. Here is a current list of supports that can be accessed Australia wide. Please feel free to share with friends and family as you never know who it might reach in their time of need.

To access the contact details for your local Standby team copy and paste this link into your browser

www.unitedsynergies.com.au

and click on "Affected by Suicide". If you are in an emergency situation always call 000.

Please Note: All this information is for residents of Australia Only.
#takeyourpineapplesout #pineapples #suicideawareness #suicideprevention #mentalhealth #suicide #help #helpisavailable #suicidecallbackservice #mensline #beyondblue #kidshelpline #lifeline #standbysupportaftersuicide #itsoktotalkaboutit

This right here is what is wrong with the world today. We have all as women been presumptuously labelled one of the above mentioned categories at one time or another. I'm not going to make this a battle of sexism, there are as many women guilty of committing this heinous crime as men. Just to set the record straight, neither my own nor any other woman's morals bear any correlation to either our neckline or hemline. I'm a single (criminal offence in the society I live in), 29 year old (I should lose all hope and start looking for a spinster home) woman who does enjoy going out, socialising and mingling with people, old and new alike. I have repeatedly been punished for having a smile on my face and a sociable nature. I'm fighting a battle with myself to be able to believe that there is still good in this world, please help me win this battle. It is my urge to each and everyone of you, please stop gawking, stop commenting, stop presuming we want to indulge in more than just friendly banter, stop trying to make us feel like shit for having the bodies we do and wearing things we feel beautiful in. These are basic human rights people, please do not violate them.
Lastly, if someone doesn't feel ashamed to do it, don't be ashamed to call them out on it. It's the only way to put an end to this. #ItsOkToTalkAboutIt #StopSlutShaming #MindYourOwnBusiness

We should of been awaiting your arrival anytime now but instead I have to watch everyone else have theirs whilst I stand back and pretend I'm ok, that I'm not missing you, wondering what you would of been a baby girl or baby boy, if you would have my nose like your brothers and sisters, or you Dads prefect lips. We would of loved you no matter what. Would of welcomed you into our crazy family but instead you were given your angel wings and god decided you were too good for earth. I know you would of been beautiful and even though you were a massive surprise and I only carried you for a short period of time, you was the best surprise I could of wished for. Sleep tight by beautiful babies, our time wasn't now but I'll see you again soon. ❤️ #missingyou #miscarriage #babies #angels #duedate #missedmiscarriage #itsoktotalkaboutit

My mind has been wandering too much lately. Anxiety is an evil mother. It creeps in and takes over, causing me to forget that she's the best, she is what's important. .
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I don't write these types of posts for likes, or comments, writing has always been easiest for me. I feel the most honest when I write. Putting my thoughts on paper, or screen, helps me get my mind in order when I feel like it's racing a million miles a minute. It wasn't until Graduate School that I really even knew what that feeling was. I never had a name for it. I couldn't sleep, felt like throwing up a majority of the time, and continued to push on. Now I know and it terrifies me that she may have those feelings too. I know, life is difficult or "such is life" or all of those stupid sayings people say to make you feel better even though it makes ME feel even more alone. But, I have no control of other people, only myself. Only my own actions and thoughts. .
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For now, I'll be working on accepting my anxiety and working to deal with it in a better fashion so that if SHE has fears, or doubts, or a stomach full of butterflies I can assist her best. I'll love her always, all I do is for her.
#itsoktotalkaboutit
#noneedtostaysilent

@pink4everinc @gapcastleton While you are shopping @gapcastleton , sign up to volunteer or for a mammogram with @pink4everinc #itsoktotalkaboutit #doyou #bridgethegap #gotbody #pink4ever

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